Snowboarding for the first time at 30

One word “Ouch!”

I really love warmth, and the ocean, especially a warm ocean, but since I have neither warmth nor an ocean, I decided to embrace my adoptive Canuck-ness and head for the snowy slopes… ok, it was more of a slight incline that a real “slope”, but you know… whatever.

If you’re crazy motivated like I am, and would like to try snowboarding, I have compiled a list of ‘stuff you should know’

1) It HURTS, and not only because you fall a lot, but also because you will have to get into very odd positions (no, not those kind of positions!!), for example, you will have to bend down to buckle on your snowboard, then flip yourself over, with said snowboard attached to your feet, then push yourself into a standing position without falling flat on your face

2) You will fall a LOT

3) If you’re taking a lesson, the 7-12 year olds will surely kick your old ass!

4) Make sure you’re taking a lesson, because there is no way you’ll be able to figure out anything without help

5) Make sure you take along some equally incompetent friends of like age, so you can all laugh at with one another, and also so you don’t look like the lone loser trying to reclaim your youth

6) You will sweat, a lot, and no, that does not mean your should wear shorts, but it was actually quite surprising that it was not cold

7) Even if you’re sick, you’ll be so scared of falling, that all that adrenaline flowing through your blood will cause you to feel pretty darn “not sick”!

8) You’ll eventually manage to stay off your butt for longer than a second and then you’ll realize that going down a hill on a snowboard makes you go FAST, and I mean really fast, which is both terrifying and extremely freeing

9) As soon as your 2.5 hours are over and you’re walking your snowboard back to the chalet, you’ll have this amazing feeling of accomplishment (haha), and say things like “wow, this was fun, we should do it again!!”

10) But once you remove your boots and have to raise yourself up off the bench, you will realize that your legs are really sore and then, as you are dragging yourself back to your car, you will be saying things like, “damn, are we old or what?!”

11) Coffee, Chai, Hot Chocolate, (I opted for French Vanilla Cappuccino, yum!)... seriously required once you’re done, not to warm up necessarily, but to comfort your bruised ego, ummm, among other things

12) Once you get back home, all you’ll want to do is vegetate but every time you need to get up to pee do stuff, you’ll be saying things like “holy crap, my butt hurts!”