Escape

When I look at my kids, it’s usually with love, usually I see little gems, little miracles, precious little faces looking back at me with adoration. Usually.

Yesterday I gave another mom some advice to get out of that “nobody understands the mother” mood. I tried to sound like I was so together and totally knew what I was talking about, only I feel the same way. Kind of.

There are those moments when I just want to scream at everyone in my house, I just wish for some peace, some alone time, not alone time with my husband, but just with me. I wish not to hear the constant nattering of kids, the “mommy, he hit me!”, “mommy, he’s touching your stuff!”, “mommy! I don’t like you!”, the times I just don’t want a hug, or even to be touched, or spoken to. You know, alone, is it even possible?

I can see myself drowning in depression sometimes, the lows are very low, and last so much longer than the highs. Since I’ve felt this sadness before, I am able to stop myself. Almost.

Finding my escape is difficult at times, like when I put the kids to bed and then they end up in the office with me 5 minutes later, like when my mommy-senses have shut off for the day but the kids clearly didn’t get the memo. Peace seems a million miles away, especially when anger is right there tempting me. Daring me.

It would be so easy to blame everything on my husband, because really, men have no concept of the pains of motherhood, or the strain of being called wife and daughter in law, the utter emotional exhaustion that comes from being ecstatic one moment and miserable the next. Can I blame it on hormones?

My escape can come in the form of a shower, pretending that I have some really urgent work and leaving my kids with my husband, or like today, just going to pick up my eldest son at school and going out with just him for a bit. Granted, the last one was not my idea of ‘me’ time, but sometimes we have to make the best out of what we have. I guess.

Small escapes can be refreshing if we allow them to be. How do you get your little escape in the day?