Umbrella phobia

Is there a name for that? What do you think it should be called? Umbraphobia?

So, it’s been raining a fair bit here in Toronto, and naturally, there have been a lot of umbrellas around the place, apparently as people tend to carry them when it rains, which made me realize, now that I work outside of my house again, that I have an irrational fear of umbrellas! Well, it’s not so much a “fear”, as it is a “dislike”.

I was going to lunch one rainy day with a couple co-workers, one of whom had an umbrella, and being the lovely person that she is, she offered to share it with me and moved it a little over me, but being the weirdo that I am, I freaked out and immediately rushed out from under the “great big thing that blocks out the sky and makes you feel like you’re in a tiny little world without any air”, or the umbrella – whatever you want to call it, and it was at that moment I realized that perhaps there was something slightly wrong with me.

Anyway, my point is that I am not an umbrella person, and umm, clearly I have may some issues!

Do you have umbraphobia too? By any chance? So I can seem somewhat normal?

Strategies for managing the “in-law” relationship after kids

Clearly I’m on very controversial territory here, but apparently I am a strong girl, so let’s do it.

The “in-law” relationship is almost always a very difficult one to manage and maintain, but when it comes to the addition of kids, it gets to be about a hundred times worse. I am, by no stretch of the imagination, good at the “in-law” thing, and honestly, at times I outright suck, but I have learnt a lot, and that, my friends, I would like to share with you.

1. Respect
   Which I think is most important; respect for cultural differences, for religious differences, for differing opinions – I can almost guarantee you that your in-laws and you will have a different opinion on just about everything that concerns your child, unless of course, you’re one of those ultra lucky few who cannot relate to these issues, in which case, you may want to read a book instead!

   Although I knew, in theory, that my in-laws had just as much “say” in the upbringing of my kids as my own parents, it was a hard thing to accept in reality; hard because so much of their ways were not mine, to the point that their “normal” was almost outrageous to me! But, I realized along the way that they only know their way, and I could not expect them to blindly just accept my way as superior, it’s a humbling realization, and an important one for all parties, because it allows us to honestly have that respect for one another.

2. Compromise
   With my first child, I was a bit obsessive (I tend to be OCD about certain, some may say nonsensical, things, but I digress) about the foods that I allowed him to eat, or the toys that I allowed him to play with, or the brand of diapers that I used, and I think a lot of times my mother in law was, to be frank, scared of me! Well, I know for sure she was scared of doing “the wrong thing” with her new grandchild.

   Compromise works both ways, as with any relationship, neither party has to really totally love everything that the other wants to do, but certainly each can find a way to deal with a few of these “atrocities”. There are certain things that both their father and I feel strongly about, and the in-laws are generally understanding about those things, but other things that I, personally, may not like, but is really not hurting the kids, I have learnt not to let those things bother me.

   My kids and I do not live in a little self-sufficient bubble, I will freely admit that it does take a village to raise a child, and I would be nowhere without my family and their father’s family; they all have a right to my kids.



3. Trust
   For me, trust is a little difficult, it’s something that I literally had to learn. I am a person of faith, I have a very strong spiritual side, which really helps me deal with a lot of things in my life, and which also helps me to “let go” sometimes.

   I think we all, as new moms, go through an insecurity phase, where we really don’t trust anyone with our precious little gems, but I had to understand that the in-laws were not just anyone, they were as important as my parents were, even if I may not have necessarily liked or agreed with everything that they did.

   Letting go and trusting your child to someone who is not you is probably one of the most difficult things to do in this life. Sometimes the fact that my kids are a part of “another family” escapes my comprehension and then I need to remind myself that it’s really ok for me to let go and have faith in them, because I am sure that they love those kids just as much as I do!
   

Disclaimer: I acknowledge the fact that not every “in-law” relationship is the same, some I’ve witnessed are certainly enviable, some are so disastrous that I would be stunned if any “strategies” would be able to help, and some are just outright dysfunctional, but these are just general strategies, based on my personal experience.

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Ah, of dinner parties and friends

Last night I had a dinner party, well, if you consider asking your guests to help you move furniture around, babysit your kids while you are otherwise engaged trying to figure out where to put said furniture that was being moved around, and then discussing programming and other such fascinating topics while in front of a laptop, a dinner party, then I had a dinner party!

Although, I prefer to call it “a gathering of people who like to discuss my odd, and if I do say so myself, spectacular, cooking habits, and try to not only discern what is in it, but also RATE it, and feel the need to let me know if they would or would not like to have the dish in question ever made or served to them again”, or you know, something like that!

How did you spend the weekend?

Speedlinking & stuff to do in T.O.

Couple weeks ago I went to Masti Mehndi Masala, and I must tell you that the website is far more spectacular than the actual event, well, at least in my opinion, but I did go with my “real” desi friend, who entertained me with her awesome accent and very dramatic stories!

If you’re in Toronto this weekend, you should check out the Taste of the Danforth and the Chinese Lantern Festival (I’m definitely going to the this one!)

And for the rest of the summer…

The CNE is always interesting.

I’m taking my kids to Centreville and also to Wonderland, but there are tonnes of events for kids this summer as part of KidSummer 2008

As for my book conundrum, today I received Griffin and Sabine in the mail and I don’t think that I’ve ever been this excited about a book before – because it has actual little letters in it, that are in actual little envelopes!! Oh.the.excitement! Thanks for the recommendation Mrs. Flinger!

Updates & the strangest compliment I’ve ever received

Oh my dear friends, where are you? Why is no one talking to me? Is it because I read a Jackie Collins book? Please don’t judge… :(

Anyone who is expecting a dvd from me – I finally mailed them today! Yey! So, expect them sometime soon!

And now that compliment…

Friend: The food was really good last night

Me: I realized that, you finished all of it!

Friend: Yeah, you have some weird magic!

Me: Umm, what does that mean?

Friend: Your food tastes good but no one ever knows what you put in it!

Me: Hahah… ok then.

Friend: Hey, will you make biryani?

Me: Dude, I don’t take requests ok!

Friend: Huh. Well, you know the food on Saturday was really good! How did you make it?

Me: Umm, yeah… I don’t like to give out my secrets…

Friend: If you tell me, I’ll help you clean your basement!

Me: Guy, if you help me clean my basement, I’ll make you steak, or lamb, or you know, biryani!

Of course, if you’re interested in what I made on Saturday, here is my recipe for roasted veggie sandwich! Happy Friday!!