What “no regrets” actually means now..

A while ago another blogger and I met up and we talked a bit about the separation, the blocking out of emotions, and all of that. She then said that the posts I did on making my marriage work would give her hope, and if nothing I said was true?

It’s a hard question to answer. On the one hand, I was living my life from my thoughts rather than my feelings, and so I guess a lot of what I “thought” I felt wasn’t actually real, but on the other hand, those “marriage strategies” kept us married for a long time, regardless of the internal issues… so, I still don’t know the answer. I know a lot of people who have identified with my experiences. A lot of us do suppress things we’d rather not think about… not a lot of people get to the stage where they block out emotions entirely though, but it happens.

One of the most important things that I’ve learnt was that my whole having no regret mantra (and general “the sky is always blue” disposition) was a defense mechanism. It was my way of telling myself that no matter what happened, I was just going to make the most of it. Which is not entirely a bad plan, but now I realize that I do have regrets and it’s a good idea to acknowledge them.

It’s not that I would have done anything to change the way my life is today. There is too much good in my life, there is too much that I’ve gained, and there is too much that I cherish today to ever wish none of it happened. Every experience that I’ve had – good or bad – made me the person I am today.

What I wish I could take back are the times that I hurt people I care about – intentionally or unintentionally – I was so afraid of ever being hurt that I never allowed anyone to be in a position where they even thought they could hurt me. Anyway, the biggest regrets I think we ever have are the times we hurt people we love, and I think it’s good to recognize this so that we can either correct it, or just try really hard not to do it… because in the end, I think that’s what really matters. Just a reminder.

Happy Friday!

Smile and be happy!! – yeah, I am still a “look on the bright side” kinda person!