What is the problem?
Last week at the conference I attended, there was a session on “getting clients to yes”, or just generally how to treat and work with clients. Most of the strategies suggested were things that I already do. The one point that I always feel is most important when working with clients, and anyone in general, is not being negative; more specifically though, trying to find solutions rather than problems.
You know in interviews when people ask your “strength”, I think mine would be problem-solving. I really detest when anyone just declares that a particular problem has no solution and “nothing can be done”. Oh, my hatred for that phrase! Anyway, I think that it’s critical, especially when working with your clients, to find solutions that work well for both them and you. And there is always a solution! What I did not actually realize with such clarity until yesterday, is that this is also a mindset we need to have when dealing with our kids.
For the past few days I’ve noticed that my son has been coming home with a full juice box, and I would inquire about this with him, asking if he was drinking water at school, or if he preferred water now. He still liked apple juice but he just didn’t want it for school anymore. I kept leaving the same one juice in his lunch bag anyways, reminding him to drink his juice if he was thirsty. I don’t usually see them until later in the night, so I don’t know, personally, what they are like after school – are they very hungry, tired, thirsty – you know, their general state.
So yesterday I did pick them up after school and that same son asked for juice, repeatedly. At home he drank his same juice box and then a cup of water – all of it. Clearly the kid was thirsty. “Kid,” I said, “how come you don’t drink your juice at school anymore?” He shrugged. “Do you drink water with your lunch at school?” I prodded. “Noooo, only when I am done.” he sort of absentmindedly sing-songed the answer. “Hey, listen to me. Why don’t you drink your juice at school?”, and finally he said “I can’t finish all of it.”
It turned out that the teachers at school encourage them to finish all of their food and drink, but because he felt like he could not finish his juice, he just decided not to drink it anymore. I said “would you like it if I gave you a smaller juice box that you can finish?”, he said yes, and our problem was solved!
I think sometimes, as parents, we assume that we know the problems facing our kids, and then try to advise them according to those, sometimes erroneous, assumptions. When a client makes a suggestion to me about a website change, I ask “why”, maybe not directly, depending on the client, but I will try to find out the underlying reason because there may be a better solution once I can understand the problem fully. Just so with kids I feel, its not enough to accept their solutions without discovering their actual predicament.
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