The person who said “time heals all wounds” just did not know what they were talking about, or lied. Because this is clearly untrue. Time heals nothing! Faith, logic, support, “willing” yourself to heal even – any of these things may work, or at least contribute to the “healing” – but time, not so much.
What do you think?
Agree…time does not make the pain go away….only helps you look at it from NEW angles.
This I have learned also.
Time is just the temporal space in which you use “faith, logic, support, “willing” yourself” in order to heal.
Btw, I need to respond to your e-mail on the article… I will do soon, insha’Allah.
I think it’s not so much the time as what you do during the time. So time doesn’t heal if you just leave it do it and hope it will. Although some pains do fade just by being left for long enough, being ‘got used to’ i suppose.
Healing, imho, can’t be done without time passing… but it’s possible for time to pass without the healing.
Bit like saying wisdom comes with age. I know plenty of people who have reached a ripe old age without gaining much wisdom(!). But you can’t become wise without living a certain amount.
Time doesn’t heal wounds/pain…......we just learn to live with the and/or accept the pain. The passing of time can only take the “edge off” but the scars of painful experinces remain etched in our hearts and minds.
I would agree with you completely as I sit here on the cusp of the one year anniversary of my father’s death. No healing of these wounds a year later.
I agree with you that time alone does not heal wounds. As I was going through my divorce, I spoke with a friend of mine who is a divorce lawyer. When I told her that I was starting to let go of the worst of my anger- she was shocked! She said that she had clients who divorced decades ago, but were still very angry- and taking it out on each other, as though the divorce had happened yesterday.
Hearing this story was a blessing at the time for me, because it showed me the path I did not want to take in life. And it showed me that time alone is not enough- you have to make a decision to let go and to allow yourself to heal so that you can move on with your life with at least a shred of sanity.
crunchy… new angles, yes, very true!
iMuslim - yes, makes sense. re email, send at your leisure, the more time you take, the more time i have where i am not doing it! 
mand - that makes sense. i agree, i also like how you went all philosophical on me!
Organica - i guess that’s true! and i like to think that we’ll be ok!
Meredith - i’m sorry for your loss. why is it the loss is so incredibly difficult to adjust to?
Dalia - you know, i believe that Allah does send you ppl to make you feel better, or at least to remind you of what you need to do, or how you need to act. i think that i’ve actually found a “support group” of friends who just came to me without me having to even look for them… or i came to them without them looking for me… it’s strange, but miraculous if you think about it. i do hope we can hold on to sanity!! how are you doing?
Its true time doesn’t make the pain go away. You just learn how to accept it and get used to it.
Meredith - sympathy. A year is still early days. I’m not belittling your grief but offering this as something i hope will help. Like losing a limb, you don’t go back to normal but you do sooner or later find a new normal = learn to walk again. I have experience of bereavement and yes, 12 years on i can still sometimes find myself in tears without knowing what set me off, but it’s nothing like the roller-coaster that it was at the beginning. This weekend i met someone who is 17 weeks into this journey and it reminded me what it was like to be that close to its start, also made me see what a path i have travelled since then.
Don’t fight the pain, welcome it as fitting - he was worth these tears. And when you’re ready, it also honours him to move on into a happier stage of your life. Moving on doesn’t mean leaving the sorrow behind, they take turns; but sorrow doesn’t mean the option of moving on doesn’t exist. {hug}
Shaz, I am doing great Alhamdulillah- it is strange, a year ago, I could not see past the implosion of my life, but now things have changed so much!
My biggest change is that I have gotten engaged- I am sort of shocked that I found someone so soon, but I am really happy, and feel extremely blessed by all the gifts that Allah has given me.
vev… i guess acceptance maybe does come with time, but still i think we have to make ourselves accept it! otherwise i guess, we may end up walking the streets talking to ourselves!
mand, i know your wrote that to Meredith, but it’s really amazing advice, thank you.
Dahlia, congrats!! i am so happy for you! may you have every happiness!
I wrote it to everyone, of course, but it was Meredith’s comment that started me off.
One of the good things out of pain i’ve had in the past is that it gives me something to say, something that will makes sense, to people who are hurting now. But pointing out the good that comes from it, i find, is no help while it’s still raw.
Thank you /all/ for your lovely comments. My daddy was my best friend and my biggest supporter, which of course has made his death extremely hard. You add to the fact that he had been sick on and off for several years, but was going through a very healthy period in the months leading up to his unexpected death. Just five days after his death, my brother graduated from his Master’s program, and just 20 days later, his first grandchild was born and I announced my own pregnancy with his second grandchild on the way.
Needless to say the first year without him has been eventful and difficult as we’ve realized that we were on the cusp of so many changes. Time has healed it some…we’ve found our way without him and I can very honestly say that he would be proud of us for how we’ve lived this year honoring his fun-loving life and learning how to do it as a family without him. I’ve felt his absence every day this year as I’ve become a mother for the first time, but I’ve also felt his presences in my life as I am going on with the lessons he taught me in our time together.
Thank you all so much!
What a year, Meredith. You do sound strong; i will worry less about you now. 80) He sounds like a lovely man too.
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