The reality of blogging
by
shaz on Monday, May 12, 2008 at 10:28 AM
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blogging.For a while now I’ve wanted to write about the real me, but I just didn’t know what to say, or how to say it, or was it that I just didn’t have the “balls” to do it? Either way… one of my close high school friends read this blog and left me a comment that I read at 3am this morning and I felt like a fake, I feel like I put the best me forward, the amusing me, the good mom, the good wife, but it’s not the real me, and I know that I’ve said on a couple occasions that I feel like a hypocrite, and it’s because I really hate feeling like I am not being true, it literally causes me emotional turmoil…. and no, that is not an exaggeration!
I thought about saying that I am not this well-adjusted, I thought about saying that I am not always an optimist, that sometimes I cannot stand being me, that sometimes when I am alone I cry, that sometimes I am happy only so that my kids and family don’t worry about me, but what would be the point of that?
You know, I actually have a lot of trouble managing my emotions, emotionally-inept, if you will, but when I write, I feel like I can better articulate and understand what I am feeling, and maybe when I first started blogging, it was a way for me to escape the somewhat prison-ish nature of being a stay at home mom, and I didn’t really think that much about what I wrote, perhaps because I was mainly writing for myself, and maybe the 4 other people that stumbled upon it and thought I was amusing!
Now I write for you, I write for other parents, especially the new ones, the ones with doubts, the ones who make mistakes, the ones who struggle, so they know that they are not alone, I do that because I remember what I felt like when I had my first baby and I thought that I was the only one who didn’t know what to do, because I remember what it felt like when I had a second child and I didn’t think that I could ever survive motherhood.
I write for not-yet-parents, who are wondering what its like to be a parent, who are looking for encouragement, or reassurance, that even though it is a hard job, they’ll be able to do it. I write for all of you, to entertain you with my spectacular wit (well, I try anyways!), to make you smile, to give you hope.
I choose not to make this blog full of my fears and insecurities, but that does not mean that I don’t have any, I choose to see beauty in life, in the world, in humanity, instead of lamenting over the obvious injustice and challenges that we all know exists, I choose to inspire, and to encourage, and not to be bitter.
The real me, though, is facing a reality that I didn’t even know was mine, is learning that sometimes we don’t know ourselves as well as we think we do, that I am, may be, not as strong as I imagined I was, or independent, or truthful, or as open, and I discovered being “selfless” should not mean that you literally forget about yourself. The real me, is perhaps not always this cool, or collected, or capable, but the real me is caring, the real me does try to be a good person, the real me is very real, and very flawed, and very not-well-adjusted, but you love me anyways, right?
Hey you’re a multidimensional character. What’s hypocritical about that? It’s not really practical to blog about all the mishaps, anxieties, and fears you have. Sure we all have them, but we don’t want to hear about it all the time kwim? I think it’s safe to assume you’re not a super mom (who is?). Love your blog!
I think that a great majority of bloggers who have public blogs, leave some of their personal thoughts, just that; personal i.e to themselves. You don’t have to reveal every little thing about yourself to the world only a few bloggers do. I think a blog has different purposes for different authors. But it gives every author one underlying and common objective which is to express themselves. How much you choose to express yourself is entirely up to you. Everyone should know that blog authors are for the most part just like everyone else flawed and not perfect; full of fear and doubts; hopes and dreams. You are not alone in this and yes we love you 
Thoughts from Cakes
of course we love you!
What’s funny is I feel like I can be more myself on my blog where nobody from my real life ever comes. Chowder told someone about my blog and I got really self-conscious.
Thoughts from Saha
Your blog has always struck me as very honest. Why do we need to tell everything about ourselves? It’s not hypocritical, it’s just choosing what you wish to divulge.
Thoughts from sf
No one is perfect, we all face our ups and downs in life and that is what makes you stronger. Your blog is very fun-filled and very interesting. So don’t worry about someone judging you, I still love you for who you are, keep bloggin and we share our experiences with you.
Thoughts from farah
we all have our dark sides. What is important is not that we hide it or not. What is important is that we take responsibility for it and do something about it so that those around us are not the victims of it. We all can be selfish, hostile, greedy etc. Acknowledging and owning this for ourselves is what is helpful. This is a hard thing to do but in the end is the only way to find peace and balance in our lives. Wish you well….
I’ve never considered you a fake or perfect. I’ve seen your words as a way to share things with the world, your designs as a wonderful talent you’ve been given, and your family as a beautiful part of you, masha’Allah. I don’t know you like others do but I would never assume of you that you were anything but human. Your blog always gives me something to take with me in every visit. Thank you for that.
Thoughts from shaz
thank you all, and i love you all too! i also keep blogging for the community, you guys are really great, and thanks for reading!
Farah, thanks for your comment, i really appreciate it, and it was, in a way, exactly what i needed to hear.
Umm Layth, thanks for your kind words, i love that you appreciate my writing!
sf, we really should meet up one day, ia!
wasaski, you are right, i know that in theory, but it’s sometimes really hard…as you know.
dawn, Achelois, cakes, umarah, saha, thanks for reassuring me that it’s ok to be “real”! i honestly need to be reminded of that a lot.
i wanted to say that my high school friend who left me the comment, left a really flattering and sweet comment…she in no way called me, or meant that i was a fake… it’s just that i felt like that because she i thought i was not deserving because this blog is not the complete me… just in case anyone thought the comment i got was offensive. happy friday guys!
Thoughts from Lisa
I just stumbled across your blog, but I wanted to say that all of us bloggers probably do not tend to write everything about ourselves and want to make things seems perfect but it is okay not to be or not to convey that to the world.
Great post by the way.
