Talk to me & the short pants fiasco!

I think that success in parenting is hugely dependent on how much we learn from our mistakes – or something like that!

Today we had plans with my husband’s family and we had to meet them at a specific time. Now, somehow when it’s his family, my husband gets very edgy about everything (I guess I am the same way about my family too), anyways… my 4 year old refused to get dressed, he wanted to remain in his shorts, which was apparently completely unacceptable by his dad, who proceeded to yell at him. And then, like any rebellious 4 year old, he ADAMANTLY wanted to wear shorts and nothing else. Threats ensued – “you will be left at home!”, “change immediately!”, “we’re NOT kidding!”, bla bla bla, and 15 minutes later we left the house without him! (My sister stayed home to look after him)

Now, I wonder if we did the right thing, I really felt like we had to nip the ‘rebellious’ thing in the bud, but I know that we were really tense at that moment from already being late and perhaps we a bit to hard on him – he is only 4 after all!

How would you have handled it?

Thoughts from Achelois

Ray has done that in the past and I just look him in the eye and tell him I’m the boss. Usually it doesn’t require any smacking after that

Thoughts from Mona UmIbrahim

LOL i would just grab him, sit him in my lap, and change his shorts whether he liked it or not. At that age they may say a certain thing and make it sound like they are refusing and not lift a finger but when you come to change his clothes he will let you. They are just don’t want to do it themselves i think.

Thoughts from umarah

i agree wid mona.wen my boy throws tantrum inreturn i throw a tantrum too.specially if we r not in public its one on one between us n usually i win.

Thoughts from UmmZahra

Salaams,
I think he’s just wanting to exercise some independence. My daughter hasn’t reached this age yet, but when my niece/nephew don’t want to wear something or change, I usually tell them why we have to present ourselves a certain way. if they say no still, i say OK. I take what I want them to wear with me and ask later.

Thoughts from Absolutely Bananas

oh boy, That’s a tough one.  You could argue both sides of whether leaving him was too harsh, but I think the fact that you followed through on your threat was a good thing.  Next time you say something, he’ll know you mean it!  And come on, he’s not going to be scarred for life!!

Thoughts from Cakes

I agree with Bananas on this one.  Once it becomes a power struggle, you must win it.  They key is avoiding the power struggle to begin with.

How was he when you got home? He probably forgot about the original battle 10 mins after you left! LOL!

Thoughts from shaz

thanks for all of your thoughts! I think all are great suggestions, and may work at the right circumstances.

He actually forgot about it today - and was all like “when did I cry? for what?”, so no, it was not scarring, but you know how we like to second guess our decisions!

I think I was going for the “following through with the threat thing” - if my husband had not told him outright that he could not go if he did not change, I might have chosen a different course of action, but because it was said and because he completely refused to listen, (and also my sister was conveniently there) I felt I could not go against what we told him we would do.

He’s been doing this a lot, so UmmZahra could be correct in that it’s an independence thing, but I don’t want to be having this battle every time we need to go out - you know?! Which is another reason I went the hard-core punishment route! I love hearing everyone’s opinions though - that’s how we all learn!

Thoughts from Farhana

As-salaamu’alaykum wa Rahmatu Llahi wa Barakatuhu my dearest sister

Well.. I’m not a parent..so I don’t know how much weight my thoughts will carry.

But I would have taken him with his shorts! You right, he is just 4… and ‘we’ have to choose our battles, and I really don’t think what shorts he wears is one to get everyone upset at. I’m sure the whole time at the event, you were still thinking about it. Just take a pair of clothes with you, and when he is ready, change him.

But since they were ‘threats’ made..I’m happy you carried them out. Because, not doing so will probably just teach them that you aren’t serious..and therefore, things will always be a battle.

ahh.. just my 2 cents.

Wa’alaykum as-salaam
Love Farhana

Thoughts from Tasmiya

Oh what a toughie! I hate the power struggle thing. I would have taken him in his shorts and as someone else mentioned, taken the other pants for him to change into later. Maybe getting a helpful family member (horrified in-law perhaps) to convince him to change at the venue.