Talk to me & finding common ground

It’s not a secret that my husband and I are different, and we really, truly seldom agree on anything, but usually we are able to make it work, however there are times when we do hit road blocks…

For example, a perfect date, (I decided the location should be a beach front) for my husband, would be sunset on the beach, on “chairs”, just enjoying each other’s company, then dinner at a nice restaurant, then you know… back at the room. On the other hand, I think that would bore me out of my mind! I mean, it’s lovely and all, but it’s just not me. I would prefer to walk along the beach, letting my bare feet touch the water, have a lot of banter, laughs and just being generally playful, then a very casual dinner on the beach, and then… let’s just say I don’t mind getting sand in my hair!

I read Mir’s article on marriage today, and I was completely stumped by one particular statement… “I had no idea marriage was supposed to be this much fun”... my husband and I literally looked at each other and said, “marriage can actually be fun?” It’s pretty sad that we get so absorbed with the responsibilities of married life and parenting that we forget that it can actually be fun!

So, friends, what do you think should be our “compromised” perfect date?

Thoughts from Cakes

Honestly? You gotta ditch the “perfect date” idea.  That puts to much pressure on one particular event.  Perhaps you could do one date for one and the next time the next date for the other.  It can be very eyeopening to expand yourself past your normal comfort zone and appreciate what the other person appreciates.  Not in a “Fine. We’ll do it your way this time and my way next time.” But really try to experience it the way the other does. KWIM?

The fun isn’t usually in the planned stuff, it’s the day to day ridiculousness.  Chowder and I have a lot of fun being married, but we were friends for 11 years before we married. We had 11 years of having fun under our belts. We are very different people, but we have learned how to have fun with that. usually involving a lot of good natured needling and sarcasm.

I just know in my experience that trying to have fun never works out and just being yourself and loving your partner can lead to a lot of fun.

Thoughts from shaz

I love that you said:

“It can be very eyeopening to expand yourself past your normal comfort zone and appreciate what the other person appreciates.”

See, I am actually pretty open to new experiences, and I am 99% of the time the one that gives in, because essentially my husband is STRONGLY against most of the things that I would enjoy! and when I say strongly, I mean he cannot tolerate many things that I really love… so that’s where we’re at!

As for fun at home, well, I shouldn’t say it’s not fun, because I am usually able to have fun where ever I am, and yes, poking fun at each other’s idiosyncrasies is huge, except mostly I think that I make my own jokes and laugh at them myself! haha kinda like on this blog!

Thoughts from Cakes

Hey Mousehunter! Loosen up! Go have some fun with your wife!

Thoughts from shaz

thanks Cakes! which date would you go for btw?

I think that someone with OCD needs to give us some suggestions!! because the mousehunter HATES sand to touch him needlessly!

Thoughts from Cakes

I always tell Chowder, “Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.”

I am not a beach person.  Luckily neither is Chowder! So, I would like to sit on chairs in the sunset.  Though to be fair, I like to walk the beaches, as well.

When Chowder and I do special dates, we usually revisit a place that had some significance in our past, like a walk in the Gardens where he proposed to me, followed by something new we want to do, like dinner at a new restaurant or go see a play etc.

Thoughts from shaz

don’t worry Cakes… I know that my idea of a “romantic” time is likely different from most ppl’s! haha.

comedy shows and stuff like that, and dinner is actually what we end up doing… and we do both enjoy that stuff, but you know… I do enjoy being a free spirit! i mean, i would love to just go on a road trip without any plans at all and see where it takes us… while, he has sexy mandy remember? he might explode at the thought of a trip without a planned destination! haha

Thoughts from Cakes

oh my.  Perhaps you can do your own Sexy Mandy imitations...

Do you think anyone else will end up commenting now that we have totally taken over your comment box again! LOL!

Thoughts from shaz

hahahah, you made me laugh out loud cakes!!

i don’t know if anyone else would comment.... but dear readers, Cakes and I would LOVE for you to join in our conversation!

Thoughts from Aruna

Hey Shaz!

Why don’t you try doing something together that is totally new to both of you? Some of the best dates I’ve had with my hubby were when we tried something totally out of our familiarity zone...like a day at Niagara on a wine tour where we went on rented bikes from winery to winery...with a group and we had lunch outside on picnic tables...check out weekendtrips.com for ideas! Something I did with a gf and not my spouse but would totally recommend as a good date is ziplining! It’s adventurous and not too physically demanding and a little excitement goes a long way especially when we’ve been married for a while!

Thoughts from shaz

thanks for those ideas Aruna! sounds fun, except that we don’t drink, but I do love niagara on the lake, it’s completely beautiful! ziplining sounds fun!! lol… yeah, maybe this summer.

Thoughts from aisha

would you have said it was funner pre kids? Would that statement apply then? Just curious as I plan to go down the road soon

Thoughts from shaz

good question Aisha, I think yes, in some ways it surely was because we had more free time and it wasn’t a struggle to find “alone time”, but I think we’ve always had a difference of opinion on what’s “fun”!

Thoughts from Tasmiya

"for my husband, would be sunset on the beach, on “chairs””

LOL! I’m very sorry mousehunter but this is too funny!

I love aruna’s idea. Some of the best times with husband have been where we’re both out of that comfort zone. It doesn’t ahve to be completely spontaneous (I’m like you, shaz - would love to just get in the car and see what happens) but definitely something different.

Thoughts from shaz

Tasmiya… I know right! he’s just very ANTI-sand!!! hahah

well, I think we are doing the ziplining thing in summer, albeit not very romantic, but I think it will be fun for sure! And definitely something neither of us has done before!

Thoughts from sf

You know shaz,we *arranged* to spend time alone(we only had one child then)and left her at my mom’s when we went back home. We spent 4 days at the beach, did whatever we wanted to do and it was just amazing!!! I don’t count the beaches here as *beaches* if you know what I mean . We all get *sucked* in the never ending cycle of parenting, especially if you have young children and no extra help thus forgetting how to have *fun*. Btw,my youngest is sick(again!) :(