Talk to me and the hypocrite within

I like to think that I am an honest person, and most of the time I am, but sometimes, on particularly frustrating days, I think to myself, if my blog readers can see me now, they would probably feel so betrayed! Please accept my apologies for that, I don’t mean to misrepresent myself, it just happens.

In many ways my blog identity is my true identity, I’ve chosen to be my ‘real’ self online which does have its advantages, but also its challenges, and one of the biggest challenges I face is living up to being the mom that I write about in my blog, you know, the mom who can entertain her kids and not get frustrated, the mom who knows how to work from home efficiently, the mom who cooks everyday, the well adjusted wife even.

A while ago I made a decision to try to be inspirational on this blog, to try to help other parents, to add value where I could, and if I had to rant, it would be to open the topic up for discussion and hopefully get to a point where we can all benefit from potential solutions. This meant that on days when I just wanted to scream about how crappy being a mother was, I was forced to write about the more positive aspects, which in general worked out well because it helped me to get over the difficulties and focus on a solutions instead, but did have the distinct disadvantage of making me into a hypocrite at times.

My husband is on a 2 day business trip, and this morning I had the wonderful job of getting all 3 kids fed, cleaned, and dressed so I could take the eldest 2 to school, sadly, I completely lost it and started screaming for them to stop running around with only one shoe and concentrate on what they were supposed to be doing! It was not that it was particularly stressful, but I didn’t take my own advice about routines and schedules, being late was my own fault, being unprepared was my own fault, and ultimately, I didn’t “do as I say”!

I know that most of you would consider me to be a good mom, but at times I feel so unworthy . Do you find that it’s sometimes hard to live up to your parenting ideals or follow your own advice?

Thoughts from Tasmiya

If your expectations are that you will always be on time, on top of everything, meals cooked, house cleaned and children stimulated and occupied and that you never get annoyed or frustrated with the children (no matter whose fault it might be) then of course you will never meet them.

Being a good parent means acknowledging that it’s hard work and realising that after all, parents are only human and make mistakes sometimes. Being a good parent means apologising for our mistakes and learning from them and moving forward.

You are not unworthy. You had a stressful morning, the children were not co-operating and you raised your voice.

Don’t dwell on it because alhamdulillah, Allah made children with short memories and forgiving hearts. Beating yourself up about it only makes you stagnant and sad and besides, your boys are already on to their next adventure - you have to keep up!

Lots of hugs and a bucketful of understanding from a mum who regularly makes mistakes.

Thoughts from mumple

You know, I do that too--set a high standard for myself and fall short.

I have discovered, though, that with time and effot (and the obligatory admission of guilt) that it does get easier.

Deep breathing helps too.

Thoughts from Surviving

I feel that way every single day!

Thoughts from Maliha

Salamaat,
*Looking over my shoulders* were you stalking me like yesterday?

I had a particularly bad day and I had similar dark thoughts running through my mind. But I guess its like Tasmiya said, every moment is a new one, and we should just “get over it.”

Children are just soo bad for our egoes

Thoughts from sf

I have accepted and learnt that everyday is a challenge, you can never have those story book perfect moms. I guess kids have a way to remind us that we are less than perfect and they are kids! LOL! When I get *mad*, these days, I try to keep quiet, my youngest always senses it and she comes and hugs me! Or if dh is home and he sees/hears me *screaming*, he usually takes over.

Thoughts from Hayah

Dearest noone ever teaches us to be mothers, and there is no such thing as a perfect mother. We in our own ways do things differntly, frustrations are a part of every woman’s life. I guess there can be no inspiration without a tad bit of irritation, or what else do we have to compare ‘gud days’ against?

You are the best mother to your kids than anyone else on earth, and each mother to their own, thats why Allah blesses us with babies that only we know how to handle best! And He is most knowing!

Thoughts from Achelois

Good mums are those who are imperfect because perfect women don’t exist and so can’t me mums.

If you raised your voice the boys deserved it! I’m sure you won’t be making it a habit so that they stop taking you seriously. But you can’t possibly never raise your voice because even then they won’t take you seriously!

Thoughts from umarah

oh i feel it everyday.my son just started going to kindergarten n giving everybody sucha hard time adjusting that i want to smack him at time.but wat to do.I know its just the day 4th etc but things arent working out.so that makes me a wat.a bad mom.no i guess i m a normal human being so a normal mom aswell

Thoughts from shaz

Tasmiya - thank you and yes, thank God that kids have short memories!! but this was just one example, I think I am having some type of episode almost once a day now. It was getting really bad and then we decided to send the 3 year old to school early. It’s still challenging because he is not ready for full day school, and it’s been a little tough.

Mumple, welcome, and that’s for the deep breathing advice! it’s true - now if only I can remember that!

Surviving I know honey! InshaAllah it will get easier.

Maliha!!! salaam! you’re back?? missed you! How is it going with the little one?

sf - I love it… “everyday is a challenge”, soo completely true. You know what really disturbs me.. I say to myself that I am not going to get angry and I’ll just talk nicely no matter what, and then they do something just so absurd that I unexpected lose it! you know what I’ve discovered recently?! my kids have gotten very wicked!!

Hayah, “no inspiration without a tad bit of irritation” so true, and I guess we are the best moms for our kids - I’ll try to keep it in mind. thank you.

Achelois, hahaha, yes, I guess they did deserve it!!

umarah, I just started my 3 year old in school as well, and it’s been seriously challenging, everyday I wonder if that is the best decision. you certainly are normal, I certainly have those moments when I really wonder why I have kids… I mean it’s hard for us to have those thoughts enter our heads, but it is normal to feel like this, i guess.

Thoughts from Marty Ellen

There is nothing harder in the world than being a parent-- that’s what my mother always used to tell me.  When I was disrespectful to my mother, she would tell me, “One day when you have children, you’ll understand.” My mother was not perfect, but now, several years after my mother has died, I reflect on all that she did for me and I am so appreciative.  I think that my admiration for her will really come to fruition when I have children of my own.  One day, your children will realize all you have done for them, even if you are not perfect.

Thoughts from Cakes

LOL! There seems to be a lot of this going around in the blogosphere right now! This is the 4th post I have read like this today. oh and I wrote one, too!

{{{hugs}}} Shaz.  Everyday is a new day.

Thoughts from Laura

Oh Shaz, my poor kids always seem to get the brunt of my frustrations too.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to apologize to them.  The good thing is they see me as human, a mom who makes mistakes.  They always forgive me which sometimes I wonder if I take advantage of that.  Sigh...it’s tough definitely but you are not alone.

Laura