Parenting, to be or not to be.
A mother.
A toddler in my bed kicks me all through the night, he puts his hand in my face, and as I move further away from him, he comes closer to me. A baby is crying in his crib… for milk I imagine… it’s hard to get up when my whole body is in pain from sleeping (trying to sleep) in one position all night, sandwiched between toddler and husband. I took the opportunity to remove the toddler from my bed, its hard to hold 23lbs when I’m half asleep, then bring the newborn into bed.
Later in the morning, as I am washing dishes, differed from last night, at 7:30am before the kids wake up, I ignore the faint cries of the baby (its just a whine for now), I wonder what made me want to be a mother. And as I stand there, my t-shirt (which I had to change early in the morning because of leakage) smelt like it was rotting… must be because my husband forgot my clothes in the washer for 2 days and then thought it would be a good idea not to re-wash them!
At least he’s doing the laundry… right?!
A few diaper changes and spit-ups later, as I put on a stained vest for the baby, a Telus Mobility logo on the front, I am again pondering the benefits of motherhood. I remember the days of working late at the office… thinking only about my career goals, having enough money to actually shop for myself, enjoying eating out with my husband, sleeping late on the weekends… I don’t even recognize that person… or is it that I don’t even recognize ‘this’ person…
My baby laughs out loud just looking at me, my toddler is dancing around the room, and the preschooler is lying next to me waiting to go outside to play with the new boat-shaped sandbox that daddy put together for him 2 days ago.
Even though my head and face hurts because I started to clench my jaws in my sleep, since I was pregnant with my first child, even though I am too sleepy to open my eyes fully, even though all I want to do is be alone, relax, converse with other adults (about something other than kids), a mother would not have it any other way!
