On pain and empathy, sort of

Um, hi. I am indeed still alive!

I have many things that I would actually like to write about, a parenting strategy post, something about separation and divorce, cute photos even, but, sadly, I am very busy doing other stuff, and when I am not doing “stuff”, I am happily eating and napping (read escaping life)!

I really want to say something deep and profound here. Actually I want to scream it. But, it’s sometimes hard to get the words in the correct sequence in order for them to make sense. Perhaps one day I’ll get them right.

In the meantime, you can read Baraka’s post on empathy and not being able to feel, because for a very long time (without my permission or knowledge) I was unable to feel anything. Apparently I lived life from my head, and not my gut. It was based very much on “doing the right thing”, survival strategies, pretty much anything I could use to justify my lack of feeling. I am sure I only survived because of my faith.

I know I didn’t feel because the day that I did “feel”, I had to ask Aunty Sid if feelings came with physical pain – physical pain like someone constantly punching me in the stomach – because I had no idea! And the months (and entire year) that I felt the pain that I had successfully avoided for so long had to be the longest months of my life, the most difficult, but also the months that gave me the most clarity, and turned me back into the person I truly am.

There is such a poetic beauty in pain. It’s the only way we can feel empathy. It returned me to my family, my friends, to people I really love, to myself. It makes clear what’s truly important in life, it made me realize that my life belongs only to my creator, that He is full of mercy, that we can depend only on Him, that His generosity and plan is amazing and just, although we may not understand the logistics of it right away.

I’ve realized that our biggest regrets comes not from embarrassing moments, but from pain that we cause the people we love, intentionally or unintentionally, and sadly for most of us, when we do finally realize this, it’s usually too late.

I don’t know how to end this post. Be brave enough to be true to yourself and the people you love, it’ll be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but it’ll be the most rewarding thing you will ever do.