Escape
by
shaz on Friday, June 15, 2007 at 02:56 PM
read more about:
motherhood.
mom escapes.When I look at my kids, it’s usually with love, usually I see little gems, little miracles, precious little faces looking back at me with adoration. Usually.
Yesterday I gave another mom some advice to get out of that “nobody understands the mother” mood. I tried to sound like I was so together and totally knew what I was talking about, only I feel the same way. Kind of.
There are those moments when I just want to scream at everyone in my house, I just wish for some peace, some alone time, not alone time with my husband, but just with me. I wish not to hear the constant nattering of kids, the “mommy, he hit me!”, “mommy, he’s touching your stuff!”, “mommy! I don’t like you!”, the times I just don’t want a hug, or even to be touched, or spoken to. You know, alone, is it even possible?
I can see myself drowning in depression sometimes, the lows are very low, and last so much longer than the highs. Since I’ve felt this sadness before, I am able to stop myself. Almost.
Finding my escape is difficult at times, like when I put the kids to bed and then they end up in the office with me 5 minutes later, like when my mommy-senses have shut off for the day but the kids clearly didn’t get the memo. Peace seems a million miles away, especially when anger is right there tempting me. Daring me.
It would be so easy to blame everything on my husband, because really, men have no concept of the pains of motherhood, or the strain of being called wife and daughter in law, the utter emotional exhaustion that comes from being ecstatic one moment and miserable the next. Can I blame it on hormones?
My escape can come in the form of a shower, pretending that I have some really urgent work and leaving my kids with my husband, or like today, just going to pick up my eldest son at school and going out with just him for a bit. Granted, the last one was not my idea of ‘me’ time, but sometimes we have to make the best out of what we have. I guess.
Small escapes can be refreshing if we allow them to be. How do you get your little escape in the day?
WOW…no wonder there are so many comments!! Hmmm…alone time…my husband would think grocery shopping for the family is alone time. You’d also think that with being laid off and the kids in daycare holding theie spots I’d be feeling refreshed and rested with plenty of alone time. So is it that I simply do not know anymore what I need for myself? I used to listen to music, I used to scrap book, I used to be able to go somewhere by myself without retribution from my husband. Thank God for the moments when we look into those wonderful faces, the light in the eyes and hear the pure joy of a belly laugh bubbling up…ahhhhh…motherhood:)
Thoughts from Cakes
oh Mother of Pearl! I’m right there with you. My tiny escapes through out the day, usually involve me and a cup of tea and yes, my prayerbook and the children thrown outside.
Bigger little escapes, invovle the drive-thru at Sonic
even bigger escapes involve my friends and lots and lots of wine. (did I mention the wine?)
Thoughts from Faryal
my escape is twice a day, my morning and afternoon cup of coffee…. I get so upset when I have met all the needs of the kids and then they still can’t give me 10 min. to myself… or when I dare to drink it on the sofa and they come ramming into me, only to spill it all over me…
As for alone time, I cherish it. I really work hard to get 1 or 2 hours everyday to myself. I have so much planned for those few hours.. and when I fall asleep putting the kids to bed, or they just take <span class=“caps”>TOO</span> much time to go to sleep, I really have to work hard at being patient.
Thanks Shaz. I’m glad other people can put into words all those feelings that surface when a mom is “overworked, and underpaid” 
Ugh, my kids do the same thing at bedtime. It takes about an hour, sometimes longer, to get them to stay in bed and go to sleep. Once every couple of weeks I just get so frustrated and angry that I just leave the house and leave my husband to deal with them for awhile. Just this past week I started a craft group for moms. We meet at a park so the kids can play and we can have a little time with other adults.
I also wanted to tell you that I love this “the daily battle for mental stability”. So very true!!!
Thoughts from Anne
I climb in the shower with some of my favorite products from an aromatherapist I know. ( http://www.bodyfood.ca ) She has created some custom blends for me that use essential oils that help me relax and clear my head. I can stay in there till the hot water tank is empty and no one bothers me. I have a lotion that is may favorite blend (Geranium, Bergamont, and Cypress). When I am done with my hot shower I rub that in all over and I come out smelling beautiful refreshed and ready to take on the world.
Thoughts from shaz
oh Cakes, I wish you a lot of nice escapes, my friend!
Faryal, I understand about doing everything for them and then not even having a moment! I always find myself wondering “what more do you want kid?” I guess we should really take it as a compliment that they want to spend ‘all’ of their time in extremely close proximity to us…
Surviving! a craft group at the park? wow! that sounds pretty cool. I really hope it works out well for you. I don’t have much mommy friends that are not working, but even so, I feel tired just pondering going any where by myself with all 3 kids!
Thoughts from shaz
welcome Anne! You know what, I really love showers too, I think it’s my favorite little escape. I will surely check out the site you recommended.
Thoughts from sf
Somewhere after 9 pm is MY time. Everyone and I mean everyone has to go to bed(but now,it’s still lighter outside,it’s a war!). I watch tv, even if there’s nothing to watch,I just sit there by myself. My youngest takes a nap when I go to drop my daughter in the afternoon,so,there again, I find some time for myself. Though I do wish I had family nearby who would take them atleast once a week just for me to recharge.
Thoughts from Maliha
Salamaat,
awww you seem so low Shazi :( Hugggggzzzz….
My escape is going for a walk outside, in the woods, by the lake…and just breathing. Sometimes I have to take Sufyan, but when i do get a chance to go alone, it’s divine.
Yeah…a long hot shower with the cbc on…is about it.
And going to bed early with a cup of tea and a good book.
Heck even grocery shopping without the kids is a mental break.
Thoughts from Suroor
That sounds just so familiar!
Thoughts from shaz
sf, the loooong day light hours are making me tired too! last summer I made a routine of watching a movie at night, so I may do that again this summer because after 8pm I am just too tired and the kids are still “ready for action!”
aww, thanks Maliha! Yeah, I was not feeling that grand, but last night alhamdulillah my parents and sisters took the older 2 so we got a bit of a break last night and today! (in comparison the baby alone is a breeze to care for!)
crunchy, I too love showers and grocery shopping without kids!
Suroor, I wonder how come men don’t feel like we do?
Thoughts from Asiya
oh very familiar! I haven’t been properly alone for a very long time but my husband frequently takes our older kids out to the park, or his family and leaves me with the baby. Or I go out with the baby and have coffee! Thankfully he is very understanding and knows that it is in his benefit to give me time semi-alone, it’s taken us a while to reach this point, but I feel truly blessed to have him because dealing with someone as cranky as me is not easy!
cheer up Shaz!!!
Salam Shaz,
my escape is on the weekends when my husband takes the kids for a few hours. With the baby, i enjoy that time by taking a bath together. Last week i went grocery shopping alone and i felt so good afterwards it was weird. The best thing is to have a scheduled break the same time every weekend. and it would be good to have 1/2 hour every night after dinner or after the kids are asleep. Take care dear.
Thoughts from Neena
I’m not a Mom but curious 
. Why modern mothers need to put kids to bed, aren’t they tired by all the fun during the day and ready to sleep on their own? Atleast when I was a kid I used to and it was only 15 or so years ago.
Thoughts from shaz
Asiya and Mona, thanks, an understanding husband is such a blessing eh!
Hi Neena, well, when I was younger, my grandparents as well as an older cousin lived with us and helped to take care of us, because both my parents worked out of the house full time. I don’t remember anyone putting us to bed either, but we went to bed the same time as the entire family.
My sister would often sleep with my grandparents and I would often sleep with my parents.
Being a work at home mom with no help makes caring for 3 small children more difficult. I don’t have the benefit of a mother that permanently help to care for my kids. I don’t come home in the evening and just spend time with my kids, I am there all day with them, constantly, listening to their screaming, laughing, talking, and mostly screaming, because kids don’t know how to speak softly. Then when they go to bed I have to work for about 5 hours before I go to bed. So, it’s important for me to ‘put’ them to bed.
Although they are tired, I think its just the nature of kids to want to be awake as long as their parents are. In winter it’s pretty easy for them to fall asleep 7:30 – 8pm, but in summer, the brightness, the heat, and the people talking loudly outside makes it a tad bit difficult to convince them to sleep.
So, that’s why I try to ‘put’ my kids to bed. This is not a complaint that life is difficult, but it’s just stating a fact that most moms feel like they have little ‘me’ time, and I personally feel we need it.
In the past, mothers kept a lot of these feelings to themselves, but now we are a bit more open, which is good because i think we support each other and become better mothers because of it.
I don’t get time alone.
Your post truly resonates with me. Especially after this weekend.
Thoughts from Asiya
and I wanted to add
Neena, sometimes when kids are tired they become really hypo, it’s not just a simple case of them getting tired and falling asleep. My kids get really worked up and hysterical if I don’t “put” them to bed.
Shaz, I know you are busy up to your eyeballs especially since the kids have started their vacations but I was wondering if you would like to design a banner for the new Quran blog? We are launching next Monday Inshallah.
oh my gosh it is SO true. this week has been a bad screaming-inside (and sometimes on the outside) week for me when I am not sure if I can take <span class=“caps”>ANY</span> MORE!! somehow it helps to know that I’m not alone.
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