Irony

At the butt crack of dawn, all my 3 kids are already awake.

I try to look at the bright side… I can try to get some work done before breakfast time.

The office welcomes me with open arms… my laptop waiting with fresh blogs to awaken my senses, new emails to start my brain working, and the kids have their toys, although it is debatable whether they really need the extra stimulation!

My husband sleeps while I try to take care of all kids and simultaneously work on starting my web development business, responding to emails, doing some design work, but really, just trying to “keep it together”.

At breakfast time I leave my newly awake husband to work and take the kids down for their meals… I handle the diaper changes, the fights, the crying, the screaming, the running, their insatiable thirst for knowledge and their constant chatter. I sometimes mindlessly answer “yes, honey” to every “why, mommy”, and in my mind I second guess this decision to quit my job, and worry about our rapidly declining financial situation.

At least he takes 10 minutes to make eggs for the kids, and then goes back to work.

The kids finished breakfast and was ready for action… it was 9:30am!

And as I am sitting between the boys feeding them lunch (yes, I still feed them sometimes when I want them to eat good and fast!), and trying to entertain the baby sitting on my lap, knowing that my husband would never be in this position and rarely ever takes care of all 3 kids, I cannot help but ponder a question recently directed to him about his role as husband, “are you getting as much out of this relationship as you are putting in?”

Thoughts from Suroor

Such is the irony of matrimonial relationships! I’m nodding darling and I know what you mean but that’s all I can say. Thousands of miles away I’m going through the same old, rotten sock saga…

Is this what we grew up for? And if not, then is it really that bad? And if not, would we settle for anything different?

These sometimes dark days are the brighter tomorrow Inshallah. You are in my duas like I keep myself.

Much love,

Suroor

Thoughts from Surviving

You just described my mornings.  I know how hard it is.  I hope you are able to feel better about things soon.

Thoughts from shaz

suroor, rotten sock saga… haha, that made me laugh!

Thoughts from Um Ibrahim

Morning is always been the hardest part for me, Sometimes I also question my hubby’s “exsistance”, but again mother/wife-hood is our “jihad”, if not now the rewards will come latter, just hang in there sis, Allah yatykyl affy:)

Thoughts from shaz

thanks for the comments… motherhood is a struggle, yes, but I am ok with it, most days I don’t mind how ‘hard’ it is to be a mother, but what I really hate is the assumptions people make… like my husband does SO much, so therefore I do nothing? or the expectations that I should have the time to be ‘perfect’ now that I don’t work! or the fact the man will always be the good husband and the good father, but the woman will be only the wife or the mother!! that is what i find more difficult to handle…

Thoughts from Suroor

A helping husband is a good husband but a stay-at-home mum is seen as ‘illiterate’ while a working mum is ‘heartless.’ No matter how much husbands help, there are times when children will only cling to mummies. What do you do then? Motherhood is a 24/7 job, Mashallah. Its high time people appreciate that.

Repeat the mantra – “I’m not a sock. I’m a mummy wrapped in a sock!”

Thoughts from shaz

It’s really a doomed if you do, doomed if you don’t situation… the respect for mothers is just not there in society.

And trying to be a work at home mom… please someone, tell me how to make this work?? I would say that I sometimes do more work than my husband, and yet, I should not be ‘tired’ because I not the ‘working’ one!!

Ideally, I think I would like to be in a position where I did not have to work for money… I would just keep working for my own enjoyment, but there would not be the stress that there is now!

We have 2 months before things really hit the fan financially… I MUST get some paying jobs… and THAT is the source of my stress, I think…

Thoughts from Surviving

Being a work at home mom is really hard.  At least it was for me.  The money I made with the company I was working for just wasn’t worth the stress.  I do need to find something else I can do though.  Money is really tight right now and I hate not having my own money. 

I really hope this works out for you and that things will become a little less stressful.

Thoughts from jammerz

I can only take the perspective of a child with a mother, seeing as I am a man and I will never fully understand the responsibilities of a mother.

But from the perspective of a son, I can honestly say that we need our mothers more than our fathers. Our mothers make the world more graceful, and easier to understand and cope with. Our mothers are the ones we can go to and discuss our problems with. Our mothers know us better, know when we’re upset, know when we want something, know when we’re sad. I guess what I’m trying to say, is from a development standpoint, our mothers do more of the raising…

...BUT…

There is an equally critical part in a boy’s life: when he becomes a man, and more often than not we rely on our fathers as role models to the person that we want to become. We emulate their actions and character in hopes of becoming as (if not more) successful than he is. I believe this is the most important part of being a father, because ultimately it’s not only your life that you hold in your hands, it’s your children’s lives and the future of your bloodline.

In my childhood my mother did everything for us. My father was always on business trips going here and there. Now, to many people it might seem that my mother got the short end of the stick, but realistically, both of these roles had to be fulfilled, because if it wasn’t for my dad’s internationally diverse business character, I would not have these high hopes of becoming a doctor.

Both mother and father, husband and wife fulfill different roles throughout life for their children. I’m not saying it’s easy, nor am I saying it’s fair, but I am saying it’s life, and we should see it for it’s beauty, not for it’s burdens.

Thoughts from shaz

nice thoughts Jammerz, very well said. I agree that we have different roles, and each is equally important, and I totally agree that we should not see it for the burdens… thanks for the perspective!

I was actually referring to the irony of society to look upon a mother as not doing anything when the father helps out! Just because a father has a few household and kiddy duties (which is how it should be), then we, especially stay at home moms, get judged as not doing enough!! That was my beef!

Thoughts from Um Ibrahim

Salaam,

Any chance you can work part-time outside the house?
there be less distractions, but you’ll still have time for you family, maybe your sister or parents(in-laws) can take care for the kid(s) while your working?Or have a swap baby sitting with another working mom?
Just suggesting…

Thoughts from shaz

Um Ubrahim, thanks for the suggestions, I appreciate it!

I actually even thought of getting a part time job in the evening, but I don’t know if we can work out the logistics of doing something like that.

It would possibly have to be after the kids are in bed, or close to being in bed… so 7:30-ish, and by then I am usually exhausted.

thanks for the ideas tho, they are worth considering.