In the year that I’ve been a single parent
I’ve surely wondered countless times about the wellbeing of my kids. I’ve questioned myself a million times on if they would be ok with their parents living apart. I’ve watched them. I’ve listened to them. I’ve spoken to them. And I’ve realized that none of us, no matter what our situation, can ever keep our kids away from all the trials of life, we can just do our best, and trust that they will be ok.
I’ve gone from not being able to ever fall asleep with my kids to doing it almost every night. One is on top of me, one has to hold my hand, and one likes to talk nonstop to me until the moment he falls asleep. It’s beautiful, and something that I could never experience before.
I’ve watched my boys say “I love you” to one another everyday. Don’t get me wrong, they fight almost every minute as well, but they are able to show their affection easily. They’ve reprimanded me, they’ve discussed their “important” issues with me, they’ve given me advice, they’ve started calling me “mommy mimmi” – I don’t know why!
To be completely honest, sometimes people are just better apart. And I think in the case of me and their dad, we’re so much better people apart, we’re better parents (or at least I know that I am for sure a better parent now than I’ve ever been), I am so much more at peace now, and I’d like to believe that means that my kids are also more at peace.
I’ve changed my entire life, schedule, everything to ensure that I am there for whatever the kids need. I take them to school, I bring them back home, I’ve found a job that accommodates my need for extreme amounts of flexibility. I’ve worked through the night many times. I’ve missed deadlines because of colds, crankiness, or just because I fell asleep from shear exhaustion.
I’ve found though, that when they run up to me and hug me and say “I love you mommy mimmy” for absolutely no reason, I wouldn’t trade any of it.
I’ve listened to a lot of criticism, I’ve felt a lot of pain, I’ve felt many times like I was in a never-ending roller coaster ride – complete with nausea! But, when someone who has known me since forever says to me that I am one of their personal heroes, I am humbled, floored really, because the truth is that it takes so much strength to wake up every single day and face my reality, I just keep praying that I don’t fail.
