Baby times three
Because I was asked by Mona and Crunchy, life with a third kid…
I used to think that I was a pretty good parent, you know, the kind who seldom gave her kids chocolate or candy, who always fed them enough vegetables, who had creative solutions to disciplinary issues, and then I had a third kid! The one, who at 1 and a half years old, eats and does things that my eldest didn’t until he was 3!
A third baby really changes the family dynamic, it’s the start of ‘them’ vs ‘us’, it’s no longer an equal battlefield, and the hardest thing is sometimes trying to give each one the attention they deserve. The most obvious changes for me was that my middle child seems to be the one that is always left out and the little one is about a million times more spoilt than his brothers.
Having a few kids under 4 is a real test of patience, and I think that’s when parents really figure out what they are made of! My husband, who used to be the patient one at the beginning, has completely lost his cool (and a little of his mind 
), he freely admits that he cannot handle any more kids, and I can’t judge him for this, at least he does recognize that this is hard for him. I, on the other hand, still feel like I can have about 2 more! Yeah, I know!! I wanna be like Cakes! 
I couldn’t tell you specifically what makes having 3 kids seem like sooo much more than just having 2 kids, but for sure this number seems to really deter babysitting volunteers! While my first and second babies had frequent sleep-overs at my mom’s home, my third baby, who is referred to as “the baby”, is almost always within arms reach of us. My first and second babies were both saying words by 10 months, the third refuses to talk, even little words, although he is a year and a half – instead he has chosen “point and uhh uhhh” as his preferred method of communication. My first and second babies both had home made baby food and no chocolate at all for their first 2 years (I might have cheated a little with the second one though), the third – well, umm, I think this picture kind of says it all!
(yes, that is chocolate all over his face at 10am this morning!)
The most touching, fascinating and amazing part is watching these babies grow into brothers. I am always completely in awe when my older 2 sons treat the baby with incredible love and compassion, when they both try to explain to him the danger of climbing on the shelf or standing on his toys, when they hold his hand to help him find his way.
I love how, with this baby, I can completely enjoy his ‘babyness’, because unlike the first, I am not keeping track of milestones or having developmental competitions with other kids in his age group, and unlike the second, I am not falling apart from insecurities and fear about myself and my ability to care for multiple children. I am relishing every moment of his 1-year-old-cuteness, his chubby cheeks – which I rarely spare from tiny little bites every time I hold him, his baby laugh, his complete innocence, even his “uhh uhhhh” is endearing – sort of.
Congrats Crunchy!!! 
Thoughts from Jamila
Shaz,
I tried to email you back but the email bounced for some reason. I’d love to contribute and you are welcome to use that post on neuroplasticity.
oh three kids under four, I know how that feels!
That is a great post and thank you so much for it....
yeah I think we are totally screwed for babysitters now.
I am seeing some of the issues because of the daycare stuff with two extra kids.
Adam is very insecure and there is a lot of temper tantrums and growing pains and adjustments about ‘territory’...my lap is being well used these days....
What a perfectly lovely post! Of course its too lovely because you have persuaded me of just how wonderful having a third boy could be. I just mentally can’t get my mind wrapped around the idea of being pregnant and tired and still chasing around the other two.
Totally forgot to mention- the chocolate smile is adorable!
Three has definitely been harder than two was, for me at least. I’m also a lot more lax about things with the youngest. My middle one is actually the most spoiled, thanks to my husband. It amazes me how different they all are.
I would like at least one more, but the thought of having one more boy in the house is just scary to me.
Thoughts from Cakes
Shaz! What a beautiful post! I think that’s my favorite part. Watching the kids be siblings. Like right now as I’m typing this, Skaterboy is playing with Ladybug after she woke up at 10:00p. I walked in and he said, “Can I hold her?”
*sigh* yeah. that’s exactly it.
I want another baby because Ray is 4 years old now mA and I think I have enjoyed his babyness and spoilt him enough
Hats off to mums!
Thoughts from JJ
this is a beautiful post indeed. i heart the choco smile. we’re still savoring the baby-ness of the lil 2 year old b/c he is still loves to cuddle and still eats baby food and i admit admonish the 5 yr old a bit too much on the baby’s behalf. meanwhile, the older is so caring, compassionate and loves me nonetheless. i think it’s unfair to him how we fuss at him in favor of the baby.
But that being said, they are great siblings and I too love seeing their brothershood flourish, they take up for each other, look out for one another and shower each other with hugs. it’s one of the greatest thing about parenting.
i’d still love a crack at raising a boy, though in my heart of hearts, i think i’ll birth another boy.
Thoughts from shaz
Crunchy - your lap will not be free for a loooooooong time! It’ll be a lot of fun though! good luck hon!
Hi Yolanda, lovely to see you around, thanks. ahh yes, pregnant and chasing toddlers - fun, fun, fun! actually my husband was a huge help and I was still working so it was not as bad as I didn’t have to take care of the kids all day.
Surviving, I know what you mean - if I knew for sure I was going to have a girl - I would go for it in a second (regardless of what the mousehunter says! lol), but the thought of another boy is a little scary. but, dua my sista, dua!
Cakes, I really love that you have 5 kids - I would like to have 2 girls, God willing - maybe in a few years.. we’ll see.
Achelois, I think it’s time too!
JJ, I know exactly what you mean! I think our sons are a lot alike!
Salams Shaz, i am currently having the problem of not being able to take care of the first 2 like i did before having the 3rd. Hopefully it’s just a matter of adjusting. But i feel bad when they’re nails get long, hair gets long, they are dirty, they are bored, their clothes are getting small on them, too tired to invite their friends over for a playdate etc.
But the thing that i found was easier was the sibling jealosy. When you have the 3rd child, the first two often go off and play together and distract each other. And if you can time the baby to come in nice weather, like i did thank God, the older two can just go in the backyard and play whenever they want to.
I know what you mean about enjoying the babyness more, i certainly am. I was sad when he turned 3 mo last weekend - so he’s technically no longer a newborn.
I enjoy having my sisters, though i didn’t when my mom was having them LOL, and i want the same for my daughter. I can’t imagine not having any sisters. It didn’t work out so far, because i had two boys after her. but even if in a couple years i try again, they would be 8 years apart! But after having the 3rd, i felt so blessed to have my eldest be a girl because she has been so helpful alhamdulillah.
Thoughts from shaz
Salaam Mona, I hope that the baby is doing well. I think when the last one is still a newborn, it is very challenging to find any time for the older ones, but you are right - the older ones do become closer and entertain each other, so that is really helpful.
Oh Mona, I am happy for you that you have your daughter to help you out and be there for you. InshaAllah I would LOVE to have a girl, but Allah knows best.
Thoughts from crizza on Reduce stress
Shaz,
I really appreciate your thoughts. I have found that dealing with 3 kids can be so stressful it can really make you crazy. Just reading how other people deal with their situations helps me deal with my problems. I have a lot of niece and nephews that i experience in dealing with them stressfully.They tend to jealous with each other. I need to entertain them fair. Its a great post!Thanks
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