Real Moms

Trust me Surviving, I have a higher pile of laundry! And here is some proof of the mess that is a ‘real’ mom’s home!

I was inspired by the real mom MamaLoves and her beautiful post, and I am learning to be better from the lovely Irene, and I completely appreciate the realness of Janet’s thoughts.

I want to say how strong real moms are, like my own mom, how much burden we are capable of bearing for the sake of our family, how we can smile and laugh with our kids and grandkids, although we may be weeping on the inside. I want to say how much I admire single moms for their incredible determination. I want to say how resilient we can be, how selfless, how courageous.

Today though, I can feel the darkness, although not as bad as the postpartum variety that I once felt, I still feel sad and empty. It comes without warning or reason, it just creeps up on me, a loneliness, a hopelessness, a gloominess that makes me forget that day before was likely perfect and the day to follow may bring back the light.

Maybe it’s because I am now just at home, or maybe it’s the stresses of life just culminating at certain times and becoming a fog, maybe it’s because sometimes I can’t help but focus on how this became my life, I don’t know the reasons for it, but I know that a hug might make it better.

Real moms need support after all… a kind word, a loving touch, a friendly smile, encouragement to go on, acclamation for just being a real mom… You real moms… job well done!

Thoughts from mochamomma

Asalaamu alaykum SHaz

Wonderful post, makes me ready to deblurk.

Yes, my house will never be as neat as those of families with older kids, its never going to look like it came out of a magazine. On the rare day that I conquer the laundry downstairs in the basement AND get it packed away, within an hour there will be a new pile. Clean the kitchen, and soon a new stash of dishes (plastic too) will pile up. And yes, mentally, I do need some neatness to function.

However, in my hall way I had the following poems. I should put them up again.

‘If i had my child to raise over again,I’d build self esteem first and the house later…’

read more at: http://www.pickens.k12.sc.us/hesteachers/laboonac/web%20pages/if_i_had_my_child_to_raise_over_.htm

And:
‘Some houses try to hide the fact that children shelter there. Ours boasts of it quite plainly the signs are everywhere…’ Read more at :http://www.christianblog.com/blog/christy/babies/

And then the ever popular: http://www.reflectivegreetings.com/growup.html

As for my guest, sure I get embarrassed when they walk in to a chaos, but if they are my friends then i would hope it was me they were coming to see. If they are only coming for my house and my food, they neednt bother!

Mochamomma

Thoughts from shaz

welcome mochamomma, I’m glad you decided to delurk!

thanks for the links to the poems, they are wonderful reminders to us! I really appreciate the understanding and support, and you’re right, friends and family should really understand the situation… I don’t think my in-laws really understand… they think I’m home so the house should be clean! But as my husband says, “they don’t live with us, so don’t let it bother you!” I’ll try…

Thoughts from mochamomma

Asalaamu alaykum
Stick those poems up in the front hall. Perhaps they will get the message and realise that you are nurturing their grandchildren and what a wonderful task that is. But if that doesnt work, there are two options: the bathtub and the oven. You would be amazed how neat the landing etc looks once you dump those baskets of laundry, etc, into the bathtub and draw the shower curtain. I have even stuck the garbage there when my inlaws visit. Second, the oven is a great place to hide unwashed dishes, and they probably wont look there. Some window dressing may help both of you – it works for me!

Last, remember how you feel and tell a friend or a sister in law if you have one to remind you of these emotions when you become a mother in law. I am sure ours also said they would have good relationships wiht their sons’s wives … and you know just how well that turned out!

Thoughts from shaz

walaikum salaam wrb, thanks so much mochamomma! I am soooooo glad you decided to deblurk! I know I am already saying to myself I’m not going to be like that! haha

Thoughts from Jamila

oh Shaz, you have made my day! I had no idea you went through this too. I often visit your blog as a way of inspiring myself to be a “good” mother i.e. actually cook dinner! So it’s great to know that even “good” mothers struggle!

Mochamomma, brilliant ideas!

Thoughts from Jamila

not that I want you to struggle! Would you mind if I linked to your post on post-partum depression? I’d like to gather together some Muslim women’s stories of their experiences, since it’s such a taboo topic in our communities.

Thoughts from shaz

thanks Jamila.., I love that I ‘inspire’ you and you think I’m a good mother! made me smile tonite!!

don’t worry, I know what you meant…. and sure you can link to the article, I wrote it in the hopes that I can help other women.

Thoughts from Pastormac's Ann

(((((hugs)))) Hope you get a real one real soon.

Shaz – you’re definitely a REAL MOM!  Well done.

Thoughts from Faryal

Awww Shaz.. we have ALL been there… post-partum is THE worst, but even the now-and-then kind is unwelcome. I ALWAYS tell my husband how you have three boys so close in age and “how does she do it” (I have 2 boys, 14 months apart).. so alhamdulillah (God Bless), you are doing ALOT ALL THE TIME and you don’t even know it… I do have a Masters Degree, and I always feel like I wasted my time getting that and my bachelors.. always saying, “could’ve just got married at 18 if I was gonna stay at home with kids”… so eventually, no matter what road you took, if you want to raise your kids 100% of the time yourself, you arrive at the same place… and, hey, it’s not so bad, right?

Thoughts from MammaLoves

Oh do I hear you!!!

Three little guys myself.  It’s weird how you can feel so lonely or down in the middle of all the chaos. 

Just remember, there is an army of real moms right behind you all the time.  I love the blogosphere for teaching me that.

Thoughts from Surviving

LOL, oh that was a very tame version of my messy home.  I’m not brave enough to show the real messes.

(((((HUG)))))

Thoughts from shaz

aww Ann, thanks!!

thanks Faryal… no it’s not that bad

MammaLoves, it’s true, I really love the support that I’ve gotten from my readers, it’s amazing. thanks

Surviving, hugs to you too! my mother in law always freaks out when she comes here! I used to clean and clean everytime before they came over, and now I just don’t have the desire to do it… they’ll just have to live with it!

Thoughts from sf

I think mothers are the worst critics of themselves(?). We tend to judge ourselves on everything but lately, I have let go ll small things. I do things when I feel like doing them, hehehe.I have some laundry,cleaning and some cooking set up for today, let’s hope I get to DO THEM.

Thoughts from Mona UmIbrahim

Salam Shazia, i have several areas in my home that have become really cluttered and it bothers me but i can barely do the day-to-day housework of cooking, cleaning, laundry, lesson planning, etc. to have enough any time leftover to do clutter control. The mail and school papers get piled up. So i definately relate. It is probably the clutter and build up of housework that gets us back to the darkness. It’s a real strain on the eyes and psyche.

Thoughts from shaz

thanks Mona and sf

sf… it’s true, I tend to second guess and analyse so many things for fear that the kids might grow up to be “less than perfect”, if you know what I mean

mona, ya… the housework does get overwhelming!!!