1) I started driving to the “day job”, instead of taking the train because I only go into the office 2 days a week and the timings involved in taking the train may possibly push me over the edge right now, so…
I realized that I am an emotional driver, and by that what I mean is, my driving style totally depends on my mood. On days that I am particularly emotionally frustrated, I seem to suffer from chronic must-change-lanes-as-much-as-possible-so-I-never-have-to-stop-or-slow-down disorder – it’s so bad sometimes that I actually feel like I am in one of those speed racing games. On days that I am content-ish, I drive like, umm, I don’t know… slow! And when I say slow, what I mean is a little over the speed limit and I actually do not mind traffic.
PS. The best compliment (and yes, I like to this about it as a compliment!) I ever got about my driving was “wow, you could drive in India!” har har
2) Gas is so expensive, I am not sure that I make enough to actually afford this drive to work!
3) I am currently watching my middle child play dominoes (while I make dinner) all by himself – his choice, while the other 2 play living room hockey. It’s like the middle child is just destined to be different, and, umm, apparently left out, no matter how much we try stop that from happening.
4) It’s June people – June! And there is an exclamation mark because this morning was freezing cold! Please warmth, come back!
5) I have so much work right now, I am not sure if to be super happy, or just sit and cry. Well, I usually do my best work when I have tight deadlines and too much work, but it’s a bit scary right now being a single parent and all that. I don’t want to extend myself too much, but at the same time, this is my livelihood so…
6) I have no bedtime routine anymore. And this is neither here nor there, but I’ve made this discovery that I either fall asleep when I put my kids to bed, or I just work until I really must sleep and then I just literally drop into a little corner of my bed. It’s a bit bizarre and it took me a while to actually realize that I was doing this, but if I make a conscious decision to sleep, I’ll just lie there for hours and not be able to sleep! Is that like a sickness or something??
When I decided to find a real job back in April, there were a few things I knew that I did not want. I earnestly applied to one job, I went on one job interview, and luckily it matched all of my criteria. They offered, I accepted, and I’ve been really enjoying most of it since. The one thing about working outside my house that really frustrates me is that I cannot be there for my kids like I used to when I was working from home. Adjusting to working full time as a mother was hard, and even switching up my schedule didn’t seem to make things better!
My contract ended last month – the full time one – I renewed it to be part-time instead. Here’s how I am making it work, for now at least.
1) Great Boss
For me, having an understanding manager is key. It’s important to have a good relationship – he knows that I’ll get the job done when I need to, and so he lets me have the time off that I need. Of course coffee and treats does not hurt as bribery a show of appreciation!
2) Flexibility
I’ve changed my schedule so many times that everyone at work now ask “so, when are you in again?”. But I needed to see what timings work best for my kids and I, so it’s been sort of a work-in-progress. I am lucky in that my work does not require me to be physically in the office, or be there at specific times, so I am able to have a lot of flexibility.
3) Choose a part-time position
A full-time job was just not working for us, I had very little time with the kids daily and it really bothered me. Most evenings when we came home, I had just enough time to wash them and put them to bed! I would have to trust their word on things like homework and hunger. I didn’t like that mode of operation. With a part-time arrangement, I now can spend my evenings with them, I make sure that they’re fed, I check through their school work, I can listen to their stories, I can read with them and to them, and I am not exhausted all the time!
4) Commute
Be careful with your commute. Sitting in traffic is slightly infuriating to me and is really not something that should even be a possibility when time is so precious. I chose to commute with a train because I can relax and unwind – it’s 40 minutes of “alone-time” each way. It means I don’t have to rush anywhere or for anything, I can calmly read or just “chill”! If you do enjoy driving however, then you should do that instead – I think it’s important that our commute is something that we can, in some way at least, enjoy, because it may end up being the only time alone that we get to have all day.
5) The actual “job”
For me, right now, a job that is low stress and easy trumps “challenging”. I love being able to interact with my co-workers, I love being in T.O., I love the city, so the perks are definitely there for me, they are just different from what I might have looked for 7 years ago.
6) On freelancing
In addition to working part-time hours, I’ve also cut down the number of days that I go out to work. A couple days a week I stay at home, mostly to care for my almost 3 year old, but also so that I work on my freelance web development jobs. It works out quite well because I just need 1 contract a month to earn the same amount of money as working full-time. If you can find something to do at home to supplement your part-time income, I think it’s an excellent way for parents with young kids especially, to get the best of both worlds, so to speak.
7) “It’s all good”
Being a working mom, and now a single mom, I’ve realized that routines are like my sidekick and nemesis, all in one. Routines are so important for me and for the kids – to keep me sane, to keep them knowing what to expect – but everyday seems to be chuck full of new frustrations and challenges, and require emergency routine changes, so you know, we learn to “go with the flow” and all that! I’ve realized something very important, things manage to work themselves out in time, and we really just need to be patient, and learn to let things be sometimes.
8) Support
Last but not least, make sure that you have a reliable support network. My sister and mom are awesomely awesome in terms of support to my kids and I, and I’ll be eternally grateful for them! And the friends who really seemingly came out of nowhere, but are now so integral to my finding “happiness”!
In general, as parents, we all have to manage a lot, but it’s important that in addition to taking care of our kids, we take care of ourselves. Our moods tend to affect our kids’ behavior, and although we can’t always be in a fantastic mood, just reminding ourselves that hardship only lasts for a finite period seems to help a bit. Also helpful is spending a few moments each day to do something just for yourself, making sure that you try to eat meals on time, things like that – generally try to stay healthy and I think that you’ll notice it goes a long way in the “better mood” department!
by shaz on Thursday, September 11, 2008 at 04:36 PM
read more about:
working.
At my “day job”, we’re launching a brand new website next week, (read a LOT of non-stop staring at a computer screen) and so I listen to the radio all day, this one, if you must know.
I really “feel” this song…
Because there is nothing worse that knowing that someone you love is suffering and not be able to help them.
I’m not going to talk about Sarah Palin, or Sarah Palin, or, umm, Sarah Palin, or, wait, even, Sarah Palin, because, honestly 1) I don’t know enough to have an opinion on the woman and 2) I am waaay too exhausted to make myself care to know enough to have an opinion on the woman. Sad, I know.
When I started working again a few months ago, my mom and the kids’ dad would get them dressed for school, and I would pick them up and take care of them in the evenings, and it went well except that I always felt like I missed the mornings with them and I never got to make them breakfast or lunch which meant that I couldn’t be sure they were eating enough. It also meant that my mom had to wake up early, drive to my house and help out, and I do not like the idea of burdening anyone with my responsibilities.
Since school started again though, I’ve switched my schedule so that I can be there in the mornings… I get dressed early, wake up my littlest before 7am, drop him to my moms house, come back home, get the other 2 up and fed and dressed, then drop them off to school, then get to the train station before 9am. Then, in the evenings, I go pick them up from my mom’s house and take them home for dinner and everything else… it’s exhausting, to say the least.
I hate that I have to take my, usually sleeping, baby and drop him off without being able to spend any time with him, I hate that it’s always a bit of a rush for me in the mornings, I hate that it’s a HUGE rush in the evenings because I don’t want to leave them too long without me since I know everyone is usually tired. And I’ve realized that no matter what we do, as mothers, it will never be enough, it will never be win/win, we will never feel like we’re doing everything right, but I feel like the most we can do is try, and I really want to believe that the best that we can do will be ok. Right?
