Sorry, another post about my work…

Me: Hey

Co-worker: Hey

Me: What’s up with you?

Co-worker: Having a bad day

Me: Oh. Ok. I’m having a bad year

Co-worker: wow, you really know how to cheer a person up

Me: Yeah, people love that about me

And in other news, my manager is very cool! Really! I was having an unusually stressful day today, and since I’ve been asking random people for gum for the past two days, he went down 14 floors, bought a pack of gum and brought it back to my desk for me! Impressive, no? I think he rocks!

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Try not to be too jealous either, ok?

The last time I was at a 9-5-ish type job, I was there for years, and people either really liked me or really did not like me, there was rarely a person that would say “hmm, Shazia? She’s ok… I’m not really sure how I feel about her”... It seems I am having the same type of effect on the people here!

I love people that are genuinely nice, I do, because I feel like there are very few really nice people in the world, and also because I could never, ever, no matter how much I try, be one of those nice people. It’s very sad. You guys think I’m nice right?? (Please say yes!) In real life though… not so nice! But I totally love when people appreciate my “mean-ness”, seriously, it brings me much joy! And I love it even more when people can respond to my mean-ness in kind… those people are hard to come by!

I feel like I did find my soulmate here though, and she is awesome! She’s so awesome in fact, that I think “I am awesome” might be written on her resume, right under “I am humble”. It’s really hard to explain her full “awesomeness”, but I will share some of our emails with you, so you can get an idea of why she I think she’s so awesome…

Awesome girl to me:

“You are mean and judgmental!”

Me to Awesome girl:

“Isn’t it mean and judgmental to call someone mean and judgmental???”

Awesome girl to me:

“No… In my case I’m so awesome it’s just being honest.”

Me to Awesome girl:

“hahahaha… that was pretty funny!”

Awesome girl to me:

“I know right!

I’m terribly witty… Don’t be jealous, OK.”

Me to Awesome girl:

“i gotta leave, but if i didn’t then surely i would be able to think of something witty-er to say! for sure!!!”

Awesome girl to me:

“Too bad… I was waiting looking forward to being entertained by your spectacular wit but, alas, you are not here!

Now I will be sad all day :(”

And so goes my day… we REALLY enjoy our lunch breaks!

*I totally got Awesome girl’s approval to post this! (In case anyone was wondering)

Completely inappropriate? Yeah, that sounds like me

If you know me in real life, you know that I am ultra-frank, maybe too frank, and I’ve been known to put my foot in my mouth quite often on occasion. Apparently, even being at work, with people that I’ve known for only a week, doesn’t stop me from saying whatever I want, no matter how completely inappropriate!

Co-worker (with really strong Indian accent): Well, you know, you have the wision!

Me: Wision?

Co-worker: Yeah, your wision!

Me: What is a wision?

Co-worker: You know your WISION *Opens out his hands to the monitior*

Me: Ohhh, a VISION! Amm, ok Indian boy! hahaha

*Wonders to myself if that was offensive*

Me: Hey, ummm, was that offensive?

Co-worker: What?

Me: Well, I called you “Indian boy”...

Co-worker: Really? I didn’t hear you

Me: Oh… so is it offensive?

Co-worker: No, no

Me: Well, I mean I am Indian too, so I just said it, but I really can’t have conversations with sensitive people

Co-worker on the other side of our cubicles whom I’ve never met before: Hi! I heard your conversation and I thought I would introduce myself!

Me: Hmmm, you heard all that? Wow. Ok, nice to meet you. Did you find it offensive?

Co-worker on the other side of our cubicles whom I’ve never met before: No, no, I was laughing over there!

Me: Phew! Ok, well, nice to meet you!

Another co-worker from the other side: Hi, I thought I would introduce myself too!

Me: Great to meet you! You were on vacation last week? Hmmm

*Thinks to myself, "great, last week, the guy next to me called me feisty, and now everyone knows I don't like sensitive people and I make slightly amusing, but sorta lame, and generally inappropriate comments! the next 5 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days should be fun!"*

On working

I am consistently late, apparently regardless of all my genuine efforts to be on time, and even (gasp) early, I am still late! I know! I think its terribly unfair as well! I am sure you can guess where I am going with this… Yes, I was late for work, on my second day! Let me say though that I technically should start working at 7 am, as per my request, because if you know anything about Toronto you know that 7 am is considered “ungodly”, nonetheless, my manager agreed and now I am late! Sigh! But, in my defense, the reason that I am late is because I missed my train and the next one was not for an entire hour after the first, because as previously mentioned, the absolute “ungodlyness” of the hour means that there ain’t too much of a demand for transportation at the time that I commute!

Anyways, being back at work is strange, and interesting, but mostly strange. For example, people look at me a little funny if I walk around without shoes.. I know right! The nerve! No one ever does that to me at home! And friends, if you read my blog you should know that I am an idiot, because seriously I am such an idiot its not even funny, I had my first meeting yesterday and about 5 mins into it, I suddenly very passionately remembered that I detest meetings and also that I love working in pjs and no shoes! Oh well.. I did go out for Thai food and Sushi, when ordinarily I have a bowl of multi grain Tostitos for lunch, so that’s a huge perk right there.

Being back at work is sorta nice, as in, there is interaction with people my own age, who appreciate my sarcasm, conversations that do not involve poo, pee, bogger, or cherrios, well, not often anyways, I get to sit alone at a desk that is not covered in non-toxic markers, confiscated toys, and other kiddie contraband, although, admittedly, the grey cubicle does not exactly excite me. I think that most of my concerns are emotion.. am I making the right decision, will my kids be ok, will I have enough time to do everything.. which I am sure all parents who work out of the home face, but especially after having done the stay-at-home mommy thing for so long, I’ve become a bit more sensitive to my kids being without me.

It has been somewhat intimidating to be out as an “individual” and not as a “mother”; I think nothing has ever caused me to be as unsure of myself as motherhood has..

I now walk down a street that I’ve walked down for many years of my life and I have never felt so lacking in confidence, self esteem and generally like I had no idea what I should do on my own, almost as if not having a stream of kids behind made me less of a person or with less of a purpose anyways. I’ve often wondered what happened to my independence, how bizarre that at a time in my life that I am responsible for multiple souls, I feel so remarkably unsure of myself. What is it about motherhood that makes us second guess ourselves, worry about what the world thinks of us, and completely fearful of taking risks? At some level our kids have made us re-evaluate life, our priorities, the risks that we are willing to take, and although this is certainly expected and good, I am not convinced that any good comes from our new found inability to function as a single person. I think that being back out in the world is giving me some of “myself” back, which I really desperately needed.

And finally, I am starting to dislike commuting, yes, I know, duh, but for some reason life on the outside seems so much more glamorous when you’re stuck at home with a 2 year old..ya know what I’m sayin’... Anyways, I have to take a train to work, which is actually not bad, and MUCH better than driving (especially with the insane price of gas right), but its clear that missing trains is really not a wise option, although it does give me the opportunity to compose blog posts!

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