Life sucks and then you die

Well, not exactly, but sometimes it kinda feels like that.

Actually, I never think like that, I mean, life does tend to suck, but I am more of a “make lemonade” kind of person, so I like to concentrate on what’s good about life, you know, like it’s the first day of spring! Yey! People, I LOVE spring, I cannot explain how much I love spring… and although we have fresh snow on the ground, and it does not feel particularly “springy” at the moment, I have hope that it will be here soon!!

I really think that spring is about new beginnings, fresh starts, and loving life. The trickling of water on the ground, the birds coming back, the tiny little leaves starting to grow, the smell of the air, it’s truly an amazing and inspiring time.

A few weeks ago I started to write in a journal again, a real one, with pages and everything! When I went to the store to buy it, I saw one with a quote on it… “life is not about finding yourself, life is about creating yourself”... and I just fell in love with that saying. I mean, surely our past can define who we are, but it does not have to control us. Most of the time, we just need some goals for ourselves, and so when life serves us crap, at least we won’t lose focus of the “us” we’re trying to create.

Happy love Thursday, happy spring, and go forth and create the best you ever!

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On anger and patience

Once upon a time I was a very angst-ridden, impatient person, and when I say very, I really mean, I could have quite possibly killed you if you didn’t give me exactly what I wanted, the way I wanted it, and fast!

I was one of those psychos on the road, who, if you somehow manage to piss off offend with your driving, would hunt you down and seek revenge, or those customers that are a complete nightmare to serve, you know the ones, who, if things are not exactly the way they ordered it, would make you want to run home and curl up into a fetal position for the rest of your life! Oh, how I wish I were exaggerating!

Anyways, as anyone on a spiritual journey would attest, two of the more important things are increased patience and decreased anger, which have been challenging, but which I think I have been successful at achieving to some extent; at least I am much more easy going than I used to be.

For years I’ve been actively trying to improve my patience and anger issues, for example, sometimes when I am driving behind someone who is sloooooow, I will try not to pass them, or get angry, but instead drive slowly behind them… I have found this to be one of THE most difficult things to actually do, as in sometimes I want to stab myself to escape the agony! But, I take deep breaths and think good thoughts, and smile, a lot, and speak kind words to them, as I push the thoughts of slowly torturing them out of my mind! Strangely enough, this is one of the exercises that have really helped me to be able to control myself in high tension situations.

My mom was telling me yesterday about how road rage has been the cause of quite a few accidents lately, and while I can totally understand road rage, I have come to the realization that it is not only not worth it, but it’s just really stupid! I am so much happier now that I am not a maniac! I know that this may seem completely obvious to most people, but sometimes, for people like me, it’s just not as obvious, but rage really gets us no where, learning to smile and forgive is just so much better, seriously.

I think that we all have these particular things that annoy us greatly, for me, it’s people who drive slowly, traffic, and bad customer service representatives, but getting angry was really hurting me more than anyone else… I would totally obsess about the situation and just end up being frustrated needlessly! Now, I, having learnt to let things go to a certain extent, have been a much happier and generally more likable person…or so I hope!

So, my point is, don’t let anger control you, think about the things that you really cannot handle, and then actively try to manage your emotions. Try it! I think you’ll be pleased to learn that you really don’t have to be angry!

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life is too short to

live with regret
hold a grudge
worry about what “people will say”
not have fun
spend too much time folding laundry!
iron
not love sharpies!
obsess over anything, except maybe sharpies…
be unhappy for too long
not follow your heart
work too much
not play hard enough
pretend to be something that you’re not
not be honest, especially with yourself
dwell on the past
worry about things that you cannot change
not change the things that you should
not take care of yourself
refuse cheesecake!
not experience the amazing-ness of dawn…
...or the wonder of the ocean at night
be angry for too long
not ask for forgiveness
not forgive
curse the rain, come on… rain is awesome!
not smile
not completely surrender

(sorry, don’t remember where I saw this meme… but I thought it was cool)
How about you?

Smile!

Remember my funk? Yeah, well, I think it’s gone… I don’t like to be unhappy for too long, it’s too depressing!

My eldest was really sick this week and I had all three kids at home with me, because, you know, the 3 year old cannot attend school without his brother…I mean who’s sidekick would he be?! So, my eldest, today, came up to me and started hugging me, it was weird, I mean, a 5 year old boy spontaneously hugging his mom?! I said, “how come you’re hugging me honey?” And he said “Umm, no reason, but can you make us cookies?” They are cute, my kids, they are funny too, and they have started talking exactly like me, you know, “dude, what do you think I am??” or “why don’t YOU pick up all your toys?!” or “WHAT THE...!!!!”, it’s fun when there’s a bunch of “mini me’s” running around the house! Yeah, not really.

Anyways, let’s see, so on my quest to de-funk-ify myself, I spent a Saturday morning watching Disney’s tween shows, and I saw Hannah Montana for the first time, oh Jen would be so proud! You know being a grown up is highly overrated! Seriously, I mean, like, wouldn’t you, like, so rather, like, you know, like, umm, shop for like, umm, lip gloss and, like, you know, hair scrunchies, instead of, I don’t know, milk? I know, I am a sad, sad person, who is very easily amused, especially by tweens and their ohmygod-what-am-I-gonna-do-he-looked-at-me dramas!

But you know what really amuses me? The Creator’s sense of humor! If you’re not one to believe in a higher power, then I guess you can call it coincidence, but the undeniable irony of life, the plans that are clearly created for us and not by us, the complete unpredictability that is strangely not random, but more like a really well plotted script, just makes me smile and reminds me of the awesomeness of The One.

Finally, you know how being 30 brings on strange behavior, well, I am pondering embracing the pigtail look, do you think the mousehunter will enjoy it?

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Accomplishments

Friends, I have a confession to make, that sort of makes me feel like a complete hypocrite, I have been really unmotivated and depressed lately, and I’ve spent the past 3 days wanting to do nothing but sleep, I think because sleeping means that I can escape reality. I’m so depressed that I feel depressed about being depressed… does that even make sense? Sorry, sorry for anyone who’s emails I haven’t answered, (at this moment, I have 118 unread, and 82 ‘starred’ for follow up) I am in a “funk” it would seem.

I met a teacher tonight (if you’re visiting, hi!) and she said that I seem like a fun person, and I thought, “ok, so maybe I am not that depressed”. Anyways, I need to get myself back to being a normal functioning person, because seriously, my kids can’t take care of themselves, and I am certain we can’t live on cheesecake for too much longer!

My free WordPress theme, sakeena, made it onto Smashing Magazine’s 100 Excellent Free WordPress Themes list! Smashing Magazine is a wonderful resource and their lists are always really well thought out and impressive, so I am, naturally, very excited and honored. Yay! Thank you Smashing Magazine! (And Irene and Baraka, who allowed me to use their amazing photos) And, just for good measure, my Textpattern theme, Life, that I entered into a competition and sadly did not place, has however, been downloaded more times than any of the other themes, including the winners! People’s choice is always the coolest position in my opinion.

In other exciting news, I am writing a parenting column in a Caribbean magazine, called Caribbean Belle, you can subscribe from their website if you’re interested.

I am amazed and humbled that people enjoy my work, I have much to be grateful for, and I am very grateful, I just can’t seem to motivate myself to do anything but sleep! Ideas?

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