Did I mention that it was cold?

Coming back to me

For the past 5 years I’ve been pretty much pregnant, breastfeeding, or suffering for some sort of postpartum stress, and as is common with so many of us, I lost myself to motherhood.

Since my last pregnancy, a little more than 2 years ago, I’ve been wearing this exact same pair of DKNY running shoes, yes, through rain, sleet and snow even. I think I’ve even worn them to a wedding once! What’s sad about this is that I love shoes, seriously I.LOVE.SHOES, yet, for the past 5ish years I’ve completely worn out about 3 pairs of shoes and they all look pretty much like the one above.

Last week I looked at my shoes and thought about me, I thought that I can barely recognize myself anymore, I wondered why I get so emotional over the simplest things, I stressed over all the responsibilities that now belonged to me, but most of all I decided that I need new shoes!

You know when I was a non-mommy, I was obsessed with making sure my skin was not dry, so obsessed that I would put both vaseline and baby oil on at night, and now I don’t even use lotion! Surely being a mommy does not means that we need to neglect ourselves… go do something nice for yourself right now! As for me, I’m going to buy new shoes, and perhaps lotion.

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NaBloPoNoMo

What was that, like 8 days? Oh.I.suck!

I’ll just keep going though.. I won’t be getting any prizes, but I can still entertain you with my witty stories!

This morning, while I was making breakfast and the kids were playing in the living room/play room, I overheard the following exchange:

5 year old: hey, do you remember Pumbaa?
3 year old: Pumbaa? Oh, yeaaa, he’s my best friend!

Do you want to ‘have it all’?

A few weeks ago I was interviewed by a journalist based in Scotland, we did it at 5:30am, my time, the kids were asleep and our conversation was lovely. Among other things, she wanted to discuss my thoughts on the subject of ‘moms having it all’; I laughed.

While mothers are likely the strongest group of individuals, clearly able to accomplish seemingly impossible feats, run successful businesses, and operate as efficient, multi-tasking super powers, we are still only human.

I would love to say that I feel completely fulfilled since I’ve been working from home, I wish I could say that I have it all now, if only I could tell you that working for yourself at a job you completely love while being a full time mom is satisfying. Sadly, all I can say is that it’s challenging, it’s a struggle to find balance, and the guilt of semi-neglected children and missed client deadlines can be soul wrenching.

When I decided to be a work at home mother, ‘having it all’ was not my desire, it was really because 1) running my own business was something that I had always wanted to do, and 2) there was no way we could afford to send three kids to daycare! I think it’s a matter of ‘doing whats best for our family’, more than ‘having it all’.

There is no way that I feel like this is my ‘having it all’, as I sit here typing this on the dinning room table, I am holding my sick baby while he tries to press all the shiny buttons on my laptop, I just had to delay a project launch, and I’ve only done one hour of work so far for the day, earlier this morning while the kids were asleep.

Sometimes I think the question is not ‘how do we have it all’, but more ‘how do we keep ourselves from falling apart’.

Talking to Shaz

I think that I’ve mentioned Nisaa a few times before; it’s a muslim women community that I started about a year ago. One of the most popular features of Nisaa has been the weekly articles, written by a few talented women, on a wide variety of topics.

We’re starting a new podcast segment on Nisaa, and we hope to give you a glimpse into our thoughts and lives. The host, whose blogging pseudo name is iMuslim, is wonderful to chat with and listen to, so I do hope that the series will be beneficial and enjoyable!

The first podcast features me, so umm, please be kind.

Read more and listen to the podcast on Nisaa.ca