Do you want to ‘have it all’?

A few weeks ago I was interviewed by a journalist based in Scotland, we did it at 5:30am, my time, the kids were asleep and our conversation was lovely. Among other things, she wanted to discuss my thoughts on the subject of ‘moms having it all’; I laughed.

While mothers are likely the strongest group of individuals, clearly able to accomplish seemingly impossible feats, run successful businesses, and operate as efficient, multi-tasking super powers, we are still only human.

I would love to say that I feel completely fulfilled since I’ve been working from home, I wish I could say that I have it all now, if only I could tell you that working for yourself at a job you completely love while being a full time mom is satisfying. Sadly, all I can say is that it’s challenging, it’s a struggle to find balance, and the guilt of semi-neglected children and missed client deadlines can be soul wrenching.

When I decided to be a work at home mother, ‘having it all’ was not my desire, it was really because 1) running my own business was something that I had always wanted to do, and 2) there was no way we could afford to send three kids to daycare! I think it’s a matter of ‘doing whats best for our family’, more than ‘having it all’.

There is no way that I feel like this is my ‘having it all’, as I sit here typing this on the dinning room table, I am holding my sick baby while he tries to press all the shiny buttons on my laptop, I just had to delay a project launch, and I’ve only done one hour of work so far for the day, earlier this morning while the kids were asleep.

Sometimes I think the question is not ‘how do we have it all’, but more ‘how do we keep ourselves from falling apart’.

Talk to me and the hypocrite within

I like to think that I am an honest person, and most of the time I am, but sometimes, on particularly frustrating days, I think to myself, if my blog readers can see me now, they would probably feel so betrayed! Please accept my apologies for that, I don’t mean to misrepresent myself, it just happens.

In many ways my blog identity is my true identity, I’ve chosen to be my ‘real’ self online which does have its advantages, but also its challenges, and one of the biggest challenges I face is living up to being the mom that I write about in my blog, you know, the mom who can entertain her kids and not get frustrated, the mom who knows how to work from home efficiently, the mom who cooks everyday, the well adjusted wife even.

A while ago I made a decision to try to be inspirational on this blog, to try to help other parents, to add value where I could, and if I had to rant, it would be to open the topic up for discussion and hopefully get to a point where we can all benefit from potential solutions. This meant that on days when I just wanted to scream about how crappy being a mother was, I was forced to write about the more positive aspects, which in general worked out well because it helped me to get over the difficulties and focus on a solutions instead, but did have the distinct disadvantage of making me into a hypocrite at times.

My husband is on a 2 day business trip, and this morning I had the wonderful job of getting all 3 kids fed, cleaned, and dressed so I could take the eldest 2 to school, sadly, I completely lost it and started screaming for them to stop running around with only one shoe and concentrate on what they were supposed to be doing! It was not that it was particularly stressful, but I didn’t take my own advice about routines and schedules, being late was my own fault, being unprepared was my own fault, and ultimately, I didn’t “do as I say”!

I know that most of you would consider me to be a good mom, but at times I feel so unworthy . Do you find that it’s sometimes hard to live up to your parenting ideals or follow your own advice?

Talk to me and the proverbial straw

So you’re in the middle of the ocean with your significant other, who managed to get you both lost, on a tiny little row boat with only one paddle, you just ate your last morsel of food and drank your last drop of water, you’re just about to give up all hope of being rescued when you see an island way out in the distance! You are desperate to get to the island because you are not fond of water and this trip was your partner’s idea, you paddle as fast as you can until you just can’t do it anymore, then your partner takes over and somehow manages to lose the paddle!

No, I didn’t get lost at sea this weekend, but I did feel like I was losing my mind a little! I was an over-worked, under-appreciated, always-with-the-kids, work at home mom, I did not take my own advice and have a mom escape, I allowed myself to get to the point of exhaustion and it was not pretty.

It’s my first September as a work at home mom, and the challenge that this week presented me with was an unexpected and apparently difficult one, I let myself get lost in my deadlines, I did not prioritize getting the kids into a new routine, then at the end of my week, when I could hardly recognize myself, I decided that blame for all of it, and may be even global warming, should placed directly on my husband’s shoulders.

As I reflect upon it now, I think that we completely failed to plan for this new phase in our life, we just sort of remained in the free-spirited, routine-free, mindset of summer, but with the workload of fall and three kids that just acted out a bit more than they should have because they were not really sure what to do. My husband surely has contributed to this problem, although he does try to let me work, I think that he has the misconception that I do not require the same quiet time to work on my projects that I afford him, or perhaps I give him the idea that I don’t need support, because as you know, we moms can be control freaks sometimes!

Please tell me how you keep your balance during stressful times?

Talk to me or I’ll cut your tail

Although this summer was not my first time caring for all my 3 kids full-time, it was certainly my most trying period. I think that school really changes a child, sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worse, but mostly, because they grow accustom to having activities all day, they become bored very quickly when faced with no planned “fun”, which of course is especially challenging for a work at home mother.

As I struggle to be a mother and freelancer, I sometimes get to the point of complete and utter frustration, and at one of those times, from somewhere deep within the recesses of my mind, came words that I haven’t heard since I was a child, “Do it or I’ll cut your tail!!”, which I am sure many of you will remember from your own childhood, no?, just me then?, ok, well for those of you that don’t, I am sure that you had your own variation for a threat that loosely translates to, “Do it or I’ll motivate your with my hand on your butt!”

I said it, of course hoping that my son would listen to me and comply with my demands, but instead, my 4 year old exclaimed, “cut my tail? ahahahaha!! what does that mean? ahahahaha! I don’t even have a tail! ahahahaha!” Effectively destroying the ‘threat-iness’ of my statement, and causing me to laugh along with him.

What’s the weirdest thing you ever threatened your kids with, or were threatened with as a kid?

Currently resisting the urge to lock him in a closet!

I’m kidding, of course! Sort of.