Random thoughts for you, just because I can’t exactly share them with my 2 sick children

1) I completely agree with this:

Turning 30 appears to be linked to a marked increase in talking nonsense, BIZARRE BEHAVIOR, and having conversations with and about yourself

Why is this? Seriously, I would like to know, because I am starting to feel like I don’t even know who I am anymore!

2) Why are my kids always sick?

3) Just so you know, I am talented and can blog as well as hold a 2 year old on my chest!

4) My middle child is sadly destined for a life of being the one that is always left out, even if he is very sick.

5) It’s very difficult to work with sick children, or think clearly, or maybe it’s just because I am 30 now… who knows?!

6) My 3 year old, although toilet trained, decided to wear a diaper for the entire day yesterday because he was sick, and sadly, I didn’t try to discourage him.

7) Is life really complex, or is it just me?

8) My 2 year old willingly gave me many kisses today!! He MUST be really sick!

9) The high point of my day was when I got a delivery of books, Do Unto Otters: A Book About Manners, I really think that I love kids books more than my kids!! And I also got Cairo by G. Willow Wilson, who is such a really lovely person, you can get to know a little about her on Nisaa.

10) And finally, I really feel like a sock

Do you hate having kids?

Well me neither, but let me just say that after 2 days of caring for them practically on my own, I am almost there!

Firstly, really hungry children can turn into monsters fast, not that I was starving them or anything like that, but I did get back into bed this morning and it sort of got late for breakfast! Secondly, 3 small children are very hard to manage, I mean VERY.hard.to.manage, seriously, not even “challenging”, it’s DIFFICULT! Thirdly, my smallest kid is incredibly spoilt and I am not sure what to do about it, I mean, he has complete meltdowns if he does not get want he wants… but being the discipline obsessed mother that I was with the other 2 kids, I have absolutely no idea how to handle this blatant lack of proper and appropriate behavior!

To blog is not to pay for therapy, so, please excuse this clearly ill-prepared and un-thought-out post. Ok, as you were…

If I hear the word “mommy” one more time, my head may actually explode

Just sayin’...

He’s actually not the source, since he doesn’t say “mommy” yet, but I’ve been sick for most of the week and I think it’s getting worse! Currently one side of my face and head is completely aching due to a sinus infection, and it’s accompanied by the flu, so as you can well imagine, it’s been, ummm, fun?

On too little sleep and too many kids

All during the summer, I had heard the rumors about Fall being extremely busy for entrepreneurs, and boy were they right! It’s a really good think that we had that 10 days of adventure at the end of summer!

I never expected to be as busy as I am right now; at this point I am practically attached to my computer; I think I am averaging about 4 hours of sleep per night, and last night I slept from 4am until 6am.

So… it’s extremely challenging to be me at this particular moment! I am generally the type to embrace a challenge, and I am at my best when I have work that I enjoy, but I think that I am on the verge (I am not sure that verge is the right word) of “too much”. It’s completely my own fault though, lack of efficient time management skills maybe? Or just inexperience when it comes to momtrepreneurship?

I have to be very careful that this does not turn into a rant, so let me just say this… I am swearing a lot more these past few weeks, and a teeny, tiny bit worse than my usual choices...

slowly losing my mind,
Shaz

Do you want to ‘have it all’?

A few weeks ago I was interviewed by a journalist based in Scotland, we did it at 5:30am, my time, the kids were asleep and our conversation was lovely. Among other things, she wanted to discuss my thoughts on the subject of ‘moms having it all’; I laughed.

While mothers are likely the strongest group of individuals, clearly able to accomplish seemingly impossible feats, run successful businesses, and operate as efficient, multi-tasking super powers, we are still only human.

I would love to say that I feel completely fulfilled since I’ve been working from home, I wish I could say that I have it all now, if only I could tell you that working for yourself at a job you completely love while being a full time mom is satisfying. Sadly, all I can say is that it’s challenging, it’s a struggle to find balance, and the guilt of semi-neglected children and missed client deadlines can be soul wrenching.

When I decided to be a work at home mother, ‘having it all’ was not my desire, it was really because 1) running my own business was something that I had always wanted to do, and 2) there was no way we could afford to send three kids to daycare! I think it’s a matter of ‘doing whats best for our family’, more than ‘having it all’.

There is no way that I feel like this is my ‘having it all’, as I sit here typing this on the dinning room table, I am holding my sick baby while he tries to press all the shiny buttons on my laptop, I just had to delay a project launch, and I’ve only done one hour of work so far for the day, earlier this morning while the kids were asleep.

Sometimes I think the question is not ‘how do we have it all’, but more ‘how do we keep ourselves from falling apart’.