Eid Greetings!

We celebrated Eid yesterday. I hope everyone had a blessed and enjoyable day! Our day was a bit unusual for a holiday, Sid and I ended up alone by dinner time, so we decided that we should go out and we had the best Mussels ever in the history of Mussels… that was the main thing I wanted to share! Seriously, it was that good!

Today we went to see New Moon, umm, yeah, don’t comment. I realize Twilight fans enjoyed it, but I felt the need to laugh at things that weren’t meant to be funny, it was sort of long and sort of boring, but that’s just me.

Snow is expected next week. I feel a bit panicked!

The 2 things I learnt about the truth

1) The truth eventually comes out, and 2) the truth really does set you free. Cliche, yes, I know… but true!

So, here’s the thing about living without a man – you tend to get any dude in your family that visits, or comes by to pick up something, or comes by to drop off something to do stuff around the house. Cuz seriously, I think this house may be falling apart.

Our long lost brother had to come change the toilet for us.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving to you Americans!

Kids in separation and divorce

I was watching Grey’s Anatomy yesterday and I felt myself totally agreeing with Miranda and the separation speech that she gave her dad. (For those of you that don’t know the show, well, she is separated and she talks about how she didn’t want her son growing up and having basically a bad marriage as an example of what love is. And I totally agree.)

I was a child of divorce so I know first hand what it’s like. I’ve also lived without one of my parents for about 20 years, so I know what that’s like. But the worst part for me, the part that left the most scars, the part that affected me the most, was the part where they were living in a bad marriage. I don’t think that people realize that bad marriages sometimes scar kids so much more than divorce, and it’s not so much even the act of divorce, but the ugliness that it often brings out in people.

During the first days of the separation, it was of extreme importance to us that the kids were affected the least amount possible. I talked to them constantly about the situation, and what I realized is that first and foremost they were concerned about our well-being. Just like us, they worry, they want us to be well and happy. They want us to be together, sure, but much, much more than that, they need us to be ok.

It was amazing to me to experience how they were able to notice and appreciate the changes in me – my eldest especially, as he used to ask me constantly if I was ok prior to the separation, even at times when we were “happily married”, and of course I always said I was, now he never asks me! We can sometimes pretend so much that we fool the world, and even ourselves, but somehow our kids just know the truth of our feelings, they are perceptive like that.

The second thing that they want is a home (read stability). Its hard for them to truly wrap their minds around such a huge change and we don’t get a chance to address everything they are worried about because most of the times we don’t know what they are thinking, but I asked and they we worried that they wouldn’t have a home anymore. We reassured them that they would still have this home, and that’s another thing that’s best for kids, especially little ones, that they remain in their home; that they have stability. In our case it was possible for us to do that, but even if just for a short time after the separation, it’s important so that they don’t feel abandoned.

Thirdly, they should never feel like they are losing a parent. We felt it was important for them to see where their daddy was moving to. They would feel much more comfortable if they could see for themselves that he does in fact have a bed to sleep in and food to eat… they worried about that. The very first day of the separation, their dad was able to take them to where he was staying and let them spend some time over there with him, so they were reassured that he was ok and that he was not leaving them. It needs to be made extremely clear to kids, and not verbally, but they need it to be shown/proven that they still have access to the parent that’s not around at any time and that the parent is not leaving them or leaving because of them. I feel like we were able to do that and I can see that the kids are confident that their daddy did not leave them and they are happy that he is good.

Fourthly, allow them to feel whatever they need to feel. Acknowledge and accept their emotions as valid, don’t make the mistake of telling them “don’t be sad” or “don’t cry” – let them be sad, it’s a sad situation, it’s very sad. They will feel a range of emotions and they won’t be sure how to deal with them, and we’re here to help them through anything they are feeling, but we have to allow them their emotions. I sat with my kids on the first day when they came back from their dad’s house, it was one of the hardest moments of my life, I held them, I answered their questions, I allowed them to cry, and then they felt settled, they were comfortable, they knew that all they had to do was ask and I’d call him for them.

You know, people have the misconception that life should always be happy, that our kids should always be happy, but I think if we focus too much on that we aren’t making sure our kids are able to cope with all the complexities of life – it’s rarely ever happy! And I feel like I am giving them the tools they need to function as healthy, stable, compassionate individuals in the future. And least I hope to God that I am.

I am sure I made many mistakes, and I will continue to do so, but I am trying my best in the situations that I am given, and I think that’s the most any of us can do. Separation and divorce is not easy and requires an extreme amount of thought and consideration, but it’s not the end of the world, for parents, or for kids. We can always choose to do the right thing – you’ll know it’s right cuz it’ll be hard! The “right” thing is rarely easy, but in the end, it’ll make you a better person, and it’ll make those around you happier because they’ll be sure that you’re truly OK.

Asthma, Eid, and other updates

My 7 year old is asthmatic, he has to use his puffer daily, especially in winter/flu season months so when he gets sick it’s always a bit extra for him (and me). I generally don’t like medication – I mean, if it’s necessary then fine, but I am not comfortable with excessive usage – yes, I am a fan of alternative methods of healing. Anyway, I read recently that honey and cinnamon is good for asthma and I asked him to try it and I really feel like it worked… he was able to sleep 2 nights without consistently coughing. So, just letting you guys know… try it see if it works.

Apparently there are now record high numbers of people relying on food banks so as Eid is coming up, if you’re in Toronto, consider doing your sacrifice through MuslimServ as they distribute meat to Canadian food banks. I usually give to underdeveloped countries but this year I think the community here needs a helping hand.

So, for the other updates… umm, don’t really have much. Just exhausted by life.

It’s Diabetes Month and other updates

So, November 14th is World Diabetes Day, did you know this? Well now you do! You can learn about diabetes champions or consider making a donation to help people affected by diabetes (btw, I designed the site). And, no, I don’t have diabetes, and thankfully neither do my kids, but having worked at the association for more than a year, I do have friends who are affected by diabetes.

Anyway. Completely unrelated and on the lighter side, I am apparently getting fond of this Jay Sean dude and his songs… his do you remember is also “play-on-repeat” worthy! And if he grows some stubble there, pretty easy on the eyes too… just sayin’.

Ahmm, what else is going on? Whole new blog redesign I think… as soon as I can manage it. I am moving to WordPress, well back to WordPress, for those of you interested… going full circle, as I started off on WordPress, hated it, actually despised it, then, 4 years later, heading back except now I think WordPress totally rawks!!

Ok, so anything you guys want to say? Questions? Concerns? Rant? My blog is your blog…