Indeed there are no guarantees in life

It’s the first time in MONTHS that I am spending a second night away from my kids (well, I had the little one last night, but all he did was sleep, so I am not really counting it) and I feel really strange without their presence.

So, Rating/Shoveling guy is making dinner – no, not to cheer me up – because he’s hungry and we do not have satisfactory food.

Rating/Shoveling guy: You need more rice?

Aunty Sid: No, this is enough

Rating/Shoveling guy: What about shaz?

Aunty Sid: She’s not going to eat rice if there is roti

Rating/Shoveling guy: But she may eat roti and rice

Aunty Sid: No, she won’t

Rating/Shoveling guy: Guarantee?

Aunty Sid: No. There are no guarantees in life.

She’s right on both accounts, that aunty sid is a smarty pants. If there’s fresh dhalpourie, you can be pretty much guaranteed that I won’t be eating anything else!

On pain and empathy, sort of

Um, hi. I am indeed still alive!

I have many things that I would actually like to write about, a parenting strategy post, something about separation and divorce, cute photos even, but, sadly, I am very busy doing other stuff, and when I am not doing “stuff”, I am happily eating and napping (read escaping life)!

I really want to say something deep and profound here. Actually I want to scream it. But, it’s sometimes hard to get the words in the correct sequence in order for them to make sense. Perhaps one day I’ll get them right.

In the meantime, you can read Baraka’s post on empathy and not being able to feel, because for a very long time (without my permission or knowledge) I was unable to feel anything. Apparently I lived life from my head, and not my gut. It was based very much on “doing the right thing”, survival strategies, pretty much anything I could use to justify my lack of feeling. I am sure I only survived because of my faith.

I know I didn’t feel because the day that I did “feel”, I had to ask Aunty Sid if feelings came with physical pain – physical pain like someone constantly punching me in the stomach – because I had no idea! And the months (and entire year) that I felt the pain that I had successfully avoided for so long had to be the longest months of my life, the most difficult, but also the months that gave me the most clarity, and turned me back into the person I truly am.

There is such a poetic beauty in pain. It’s the only way we can feel empathy. It returned me to my family, my friends, to people I really love, to myself. It makes clear what’s truly important in life, it made me realize that my life belongs only to my creator, that He is full of mercy, that we can depend only on Him, that His generosity and plan is amazing and just, although we may not understand the logistics of it right away.

I’ve realized that our biggest regrets comes not from embarrassing moments, but from pain that we cause the people we love, intentionally or unintentionally, and sadly for most of us, when we do finally realize this, it’s usually too late.

I don’t know how to end this post. Be brave enough to be true to yourself and the people you love, it’ll be the hardest thing you ever have to do, but it’ll be the most rewarding thing you will ever do.

And just because, the cutest picture of me evah!

Poor aunty sid will not be pleased that I posted a picture of her with that scary expression, and she’ll most likely find a way to punish me, but oh well… I look too darn cute not to share! hahahah

The daze

My life right now is a complete blur.

Between drop offs, pick ups, meals, work, commuting, the ‘day job’, field trips, baths, bed time, birthdays, crafts supplies and the promise of actual crafting that doesn’t really materialize, crying, parting the fights, administering punishment, hugs, kisses, movie-time, reading, cleaning the house, laundry, oh and my boss quitting, cooking, and apparently dealing with a nap addiction… my life is giving me a headache!

How are you guys managing?

Of stress, coffee, and Hershey’s Snacksters

Firstly, Hershey’s Snacksters are totally addictive and do not be fooled by the “100 calories” per pack thing they have going on because, let me tell you, if you eat one pack, you will want more!

This morning I was working with one of my clients, who, like most of my clients, feels more like a friend – and when I say “this morning”, what I mean is 2am-kinda-morning – as we’re on the verge of launching this really great website, which took, literally more than a hundred hours of work, but all so worth it. I thought to myself that it was a pretty amazing accomplishment, and we were both excited about how far we’d come. Only to be faced with, a mere 2 hours before beta launch, an almost complete meltdown of the site.

Strangely, I didn’t feel as panicked as I probably should have, I just had this thought of “well, lessons learnt, let’s just move forward”. This reaction is a new one for me, as the “old” me is prone to panic, frustration, and a very high degree of annoyance when things don’t go as planned. New me, though, has new perspective, less anxiety, and more serenity. I owe a lot of this “new” me to my recent life altering discoveries.

I have gained a lot from simple introspection, and I keep thinking of this “saying” someone told me, (I don’t remember who so props to whoever did and sorry I don’t remember) and now I am paraphrasing, but it’s basically that life does it’s own thing – no matter what we plan, or want, or do – if we go against “life’s plan” it just makes things more difficult for us, but if we accept it and work with it (or around it) things are easier for us, but either way… life goes on as it’s meant to go on.

Ok. Not sure if I stopped making sense around “100 calories”, so I think I am going to leave you with this for now – coffee, ahhhh, like warm crack in a cup!