You know they're addicted when…

Your child comes stumbling into your room at the first sign of daylight, with eyes that are still almost closed, still sucking his thumb, and asks “can I play on your computer? or play on daddy’s computer?”

Ramadhan Mubarrak to all Muslims. And have a wonderful month to all others.

To my few, but loyal and special readers , thanks for sharing with me! My posts will be few during this time, I plan on doing just the love Thursdays and the Going Pink event.

Enjoy!

To be with brothers.

My almost 4 year old has been in school for almost 3 weeks now. My 2 year old has been without his brother, his mentor, his hero, and his best friend. The baby has been without his biggest fan.

Its funny, the relationship of brothers, they are always fighting, the 2 year old is always crying because of acts of aggression by his older brother, yet still he is in tears every morning as the almost 4 year old leaves for school.

In the first days it was depressing at home, for me and for the other 2 boys (yes, even the baby). We missed him. His laughter, his constant chatter, his helpful nature, his screaming… (well, maybe not that part), it was extremely quiet and sad without him.

It was easier with only 2 kids, yet it was harder to be without him. Our balance was gone. Our routine only worked with him as a part of it.

My almost 2 year old has grown so accustomed to living in his brother’s shadow that now he is lost during the day. He doesn’t know what he should do. I try to do things with him, but it seems that I am not a good enough substitute for his brother!

When my eldest son walks in the door from school, the kindergartener is overjoyed. Totally ecstatic. And not even 1 minute later he is in tears because of something his brother did to him! Apparently it does not matter, because everyday is the same story!

The world of siblings is a weird, weird place! I know that when I was growing up, being the eldest, I would do really wicked things to my sister, like, locking her in the kitchen cupboard, or like, stealing all her toys, or like, ratting her out, and other things that I don’t remember, but am sure she does!

And yet, she followed me around like I was her queen (you might see a comment from her about that statement), she looked up to me, and I realize now that I was constantly threatened of her relationship with my parents, I mean she was the new kid and people usually like new things better, right? And being the eldest, I also felt like I had to take care of her, and correct her, like my parents did with me, and I felt like it was unfair when they punished me and not her, when it was obvious that she was the one at fault! Now, I can see this exact thing happening with my kids.

At least I have an excuse for the mistreatment now… obviously it was not my fault… I mean what is an eldest child to do?

I wuv my horsey ride.

Why? Why, Because? Because, Why?

2 year old: Mine belly hungry.
me: ok, let me get you something to eat.
2 year old: why?

2 year old: Mine nose is leaking.
me: no it’s not.
2 year old: Why?

2 year old: Can I go outside?
me: ok, get your slippers.
2 year old: Why?
me: Because.
2 year old: Be-cause, Why?
me: Why, Because.
2 year old: Be-cause, Be-cause, I want go outside.
me: ok, get your slippers.
2 year old: Why?

The most unexpected thing happened.

As I pulled into the underground parking garage at work, the host of the radio morning show that I listen to every morning said the words “a plane crashed into the world trade centre”, and then my radio signal was lost. At once my mind started to race, the morning show hosts were known for doing funny pranks and telling weird jokes, this statement was neither, but still could it be true?

I quickly made my way up to my desk, passing co-workers discussing meetings and deadlines, and while I impatiently waited for cnn.com to load, I told my friend what I heard. She dismissed it as “nothing to worry about”, and although the people at my work were very oblivious to what was happening, I was worried, very worried.

Finally a picture loaded on my computer, I was one of the few to actually hit the site before the load became too much for their servers, and my fears were realized, it was one picture and then the site was down.

So many thoughts were running through my head, I was dizzy, I was confused, for that first moment, I thought “I hope this was not done by someone claiming to be Muslim”, and then my mind focused on my cousin who works in the world trade centre. I then quickly started making phone calls, first my husband, my mom and my dad, then to my aunt, and cousins, who were living in New York City, all I got were busy signals.

They were all ok. My cousin who worked there was in the second tower, she escaped and in a state of shock, she walked all the way to her home in the Bronx.

5 years ago I did not wear a headscarf, I was not a visible Muslim, and in the days following the tragedy no one gave a second though to making statements like “those Arabs are no good”, or “all those Muslims are the same” in front of me. I understood their anger and pain, and their desire to lash out, but although I am not Arab, it was still hurtful to me, a Muslim, to hear their words.

Although I remain skeptical about what really happened, and so do many people, I am not looking for answers or conspiracy theories, (understandably victims and their families would have a different view), I just hope that we can overcome the stereotyping and generalization that inevitably leads to discrimination and alienation of innocent people, especially the younger ones, like my sons.