I read somewhere that if you don’t have any expectations of people, you can’t get emotionally hurt. I am not sure if I am convinced, but I do think that no expectations definitely equals no disappointments.
For a long time I tried to separate hope from expectation in my mind. I believe that hope is a good thing. Hope keeps us going on, it keeps us looking for the good, it gives us something to struggle for, something to hold on to, something to believe in. It’s the reason we pray, we believe, we trust that in spite of almost total devastation, the people of Haiti will recover, will have a new beginning. Hope. We all need it.
Expectation however, is a bit different. It makes us act irrationally sometimes, I think. And when the things that we are expecting to happen don’t, we are not sure what to do, we get tempted to lose hope, we’re disappointed and frustrated.
For me, I try not to have expectations, especially not of people. I read somewhere that if you have something to do, just do it – if you get help, say thanks, and if not, still say thanks because at least you are able to do it – or something like that anyways. I think it changed my entire state of being.
I personally like hope, even if the things I hope for never actually happens, it’s fine, but just being able to hope brings comfort and peace.
by shaz on Thursday, January 28, 2010 at 09:25 PM
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life.
Quite randomly I was watching House a couple days ago. Now, the last time I watched House could have been something like 4 years ago. So, it was a strange coincidence that this episode happen to be about a woman who was not feeling emotions!
Anyway, they called her a psychopath. In my defense here, she was incapable of feeling emotions (because of some medical condition), while my mind/body/soul/little-elves-running-around-in-there decided to block all my emotions so that I wouldn’t feel anything. Ergo, I don’t think I was a psychopath, just a bit abnormal. Ahem.
At the end of the show, when she was “diagnosed” and healing, one of the doctors asked her how she felt, and she said “I don’t know, but it hurts!” That was a bit surreal for me because it’s exactly how I felt.
The thing about hurt, I realize, is that our minds seem to do everything it knows to block out feeling that particular emotion. I mean, no one likes hurt, but we don’t seem to react the same when it’s other dark emotions, like sadness, for example. In general, I think we can handle any emotion, good or bad, significantly better than we can handle hurt.
It seems that my defense against hurt is anger… I can deal with anger, it’s “my thing”… but sadly, no matter how much we try to hide from the hurt, or disguise the hurt, or how many years go by, it just does not magically go away. I learned that whatever we block out needs to be felt for us to be able to heal. That hurt has to be felt, no matter how excruciatingly painful it may be – we still need to feel it.
I think that I can now understand the saying “time heal all wounds”, I still don’t agree with it, but I understand it. Time is not necessarily healing – we have to first feel every single painful emotion, then actively work on finding some type of closure, and then eventually, after what may seem like an eternity, we feel better. Although, I don’t believe that hurt could ever go away, I mean, an appropriate trigger could probably bring back all the hurt, but you know, at least we’d know what to expect!
I don’t like to say that hurt makes us stronger, mainly because I had to be plenty strong to deal with the magnitude of everything I felt once I started feeling again, instead I believe it makes us better. I know that actually allowing myself to experience hurt made me better. Better in so many ways, especially being able to express love, I know that my kids are extremely appreciative of this difference, even if they are not able to articulate it. Mostly, now I finally feel like me again!
Are third children always spoilt? Or is it last children? I don’t know if it’s because the first 2 wear us out so much that we kinda give up, or that the older 2 are there to “baby” the baby as well as do his chores, or what, but man, is this guy ever spoilt!
After my 2nd child, pretty much everyone could have sworn that I was off pregnancies, or at least I know they hoped I was… But I believe that I really needed to have this kid, he certainly is my little guy!
by shaz on Sunday, January 17, 2010 at 09:56 PM
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blogging.
So. If I stopped blogging, would anyone notice? I’ve been giving some thought to ending this blog. I mean, it’s almost 4 years old, it’s helped me articulate a lot of my feelings, I’ve met many, many wonderful and amazing people because of it, but… What I’m trying to say is that it’s served me well, it’s been totally awesome, but I don’t have much to say anymore.
It’s not really that I think I’ll completely give up blogging – I am going to start another blog on being single again, but a bit anonymously – and I don’t think I want to get rid of adventures in motherhood because it’s very much a part of me, but I am pondering making it different. Thoughts?
In the meantime, I love this space on apartment therapy – not the decor choices, but I just LOVE the actual space, all white, bright, and a huge dining table. I adore really big dining tables, just something about having a lot of friends and family over for big meals… one of my favorite things for sure! Anyway, I would totally live there, just, you know, without some of the artwork and that rug!
